So....
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wrote on 3 Jan 2022, 02:24 last edited by
I was having sex with my friend’s wife and her phone rang. I recognized his voice so I started quietly getting dressed. She hung up and said “it’s ok, we have time. He’s out having drinks with you”.
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wrote on 3 Jan 2022, 02:29 last edited by
So…. I had a prostate exam yesterday.
That’s the last time I fall asleep on the train.
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wrote on 5 Jan 2022, 21:33 last edited by
A German got pulled over by the police in France.
Police officer: “Name?”
German: “Heinrich Klimt”
Police officer: “Age?”
German: “31”
Police officer: “occupation?”
German: “No, no. Just visiting”
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wrote on 5 Jan 2022, 23:54 last edited by
When I win the lottery I’m giving money to Charity.
If she’s not dancing that night I’ll give it to Destiny.
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wrote on 5 Jan 2022, 23:55 last edited by
I once felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body.
Then I was born.
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wrote on 6 Jan 2022, 02:42 last edited by
Millennials: Walking around like they rent the place.
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wrote on 6 Jan 2022, 02:57 last edited by
There may be no "I" in team, but there's a "U" in suck.
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wrote on 6 Jan 2022, 02:57 last edited by jon-nyc 1 Jun 2022, 02:59
This morning I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
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This morning I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
wrote on 6 Jan 2022, 13:28 last edited by -
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wrote on 7 Jan 2022, 00:40 last edited by
I must have asked 50 people what LGBTQ+ stands for. So far nobody has given me a straight answer.
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wrote on 12 Jan 2022, 15:57 last edited by
My superpower is proofreading skills.
After I hit 'send'.
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wrote on 14 Jan 2022, 12:38 last edited by
The next time you hate your life, remember it's all about perspective. I have a friend who exercises twice a day, reads two books a week, and has sex 2-3 times a day, yet he complains about how much he hates prison.
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wrote on 15 Jan 2022, 14:08 last edited by
I went into a burger joint for lunch today and the woman behind the counter had a badge on her left breast that said Pat.
To make a long story short, I am now banned from Burger King.
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wrote on 15 Jan 2022, 15:57 last edited by
If you drop a chocolate chip cookie on the floor and stoop down to pick it up, that counts as a squat, right?
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If you drop a chocolate chip cookie on the floor and stoop down to pick it up, that counts as a squat, right?
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wrote on 16 Jan 2022, 01:23 last edited by
When I meet a woman I try to see what’s in her heart.
It’s not my fault her tits are in the way.
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wrote on 16 Jan 2022, 01:30 last edited by
I asked my dog what 2 minus 2 was.
He said nothing.
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wrote on 16 Jan 2022, 10:15 last edited by
Nervous of flying? Don't be.
As long as the 2 million parts in a plane work perfectly while travelling at close to the speed of sound as sharp metal blades rotate at supersonic speeds in temperatures of -65 degrees 7 miles above the Earth's surface, you'll be absolutely fine.
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wrote on 16 Jan 2022, 12:03 last edited by
I read somewhere that a million people get sick every year from eating tainted beef.
Who the fuck is putting their taint on the beef anyway?