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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #457

    So…. I spent $350 on a limousine only to find out it didn’t include the cost of the driver.

    All that money and nothing to chauffeur it!

    "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
    -Cormac McCarthy

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #458

      I was having sex with my friend’s wife and her phone rang. I recognized his voice so I started quietly getting dressed. She hung up and said “it’s ok, we have time. He’s out having drinks with you”.

      "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
      -Cormac McCarthy

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #459

        So…. I had a prostate exam yesterday.

        That’s the last time I fall asleep on the train.

        "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
        -Cormac McCarthy

        1 Reply Last reply
        • George KG Offline
          George KG Offline
          George K
          wrote on last edited by
          #460

          A German got pulled over by the police in France.

          Police officer: “Name?”

          German: “Heinrich Klimt”

          Police officer: “Age?”

          German: “31”

          Police officer: “occupation?”

          German: “No, no. Just visiting”

          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #461

            When I win the lottery I’m giving money to Charity.

            If she’s not dancing that night I’ll give it to Destiny.

            "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
            -Cormac McCarthy

            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #462

              I once felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body.

              Then I was born.

              "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
              -Cormac McCarthy

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #463

                Millennials: Walking around like they rent the place.

                "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                -Cormac McCarthy

                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #464

                  There may be no "I" in team, but there's a "U" in suck.

                  "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                  -Cormac McCarthy

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                    #465

                    This morning I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick.

                    She still isn't talking to me.

                    "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                    -Cormac McCarthy

                    LarryL 1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                      This morning I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick.

                      She still isn't talking to me.

                      LarryL Offline
                      LarryL Offline
                      Larry
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #466

                      @jon-nyc said in So....:

                      This morning I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick.

                      She still isn't talking to me.

                      I got my toothpaste and my Preparation H mixed up....

                      I still can't open my mouth, but my butthole is minty fresh..

                      George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                      • LarryL Larry

                        @jon-nyc said in So....:

                        This morning I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick.

                        She still isn't talking to me.

                        I got my toothpaste and my Preparation H mixed up....

                        I still can't open my mouth, but my butthole is minty fresh..

                        George KG Offline
                        George KG Offline
                        George K
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #467

                        @larry said in So....:

                        my butthole is minty fresh..

                        Is that what Aqua's sister told you?

                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #468

                          I must have asked 50 people what LGBTQ+ stands for. So far nobody has given me a straight answer.

                          "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                          -Cormac McCarthy

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #469

                            My superpower is proofreading skills.

                            After I hit 'send'.

                            "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                            -Cormac McCarthy

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #470

                              The next time you hate your life, remember it's all about perspective. I have a friend who exercises twice a day, reads two books a week, and has sex 2-3 times a day, yet he complains about how much he hates prison.

                              "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                              -Cormac McCarthy

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #471

                                I went into a burger joint for lunch today and the woman behind the counter had a badge on her left breast that said Pat.

                                To make a long story short, I am now banned from Burger King.

                                "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                                -Cormac McCarthy

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • LarryL Offline
                                  LarryL Offline
                                  Larry
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #472

                                  If you drop a chocolate chip cookie on the floor and stoop down to pick it up, that counts as a squat, right?

                                  jon-nycJ 1 Reply Last reply
                                  • LarryL Larry

                                    If you drop a chocolate chip cookie on the floor and stoop down to pick it up, that counts as a squat, right?

                                    jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #473

                                    @larry said in So....:

                                    If you drop a chocolate chip cookie on the floor and stoop down to pick it up, that counts as a squat, right?

                                    Or a lunge if you have to beat the dog to it.

                                    "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                                    -Cormac McCarthy

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #474

                                      When I meet a woman I try to see what’s in her heart.

                                      It’s not my fault her tits are in the way.

                                      "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                                      -Cormac McCarthy

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • LarryL Offline
                                        LarryL Offline
                                        Larry
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #475

                                        I asked my dog what 2 minus 2 was.

                                        He said nothing.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #476

                                          Nervous of flying? Don't be.

                                          As long as the 2 million parts in a plane work perfectly while travelling at close to the speed of sound as sharp metal blades rotate at supersonic speeds in temperatures of -65 degrees 7 miles above the Earth's surface, you'll be absolutely fine.

                                          "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
                                          -Cormac McCarthy

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