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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • George KG Offline
    George KG Offline
    George K
    wrote on last edited by
    #418

    Apologies if I posted this earlier.

    Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?

    A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.

    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

    jon-nycJ 1 Reply Last reply
    • IvorythumperI Offline
      IvorythumperI Offline
      Ivorythumper
      wrote on last edited by
      #419

      so….

      I told my psychiatrist about my fear of palindromes and he put me on Xanax.

      George KG 1 Reply Last reply
      • IvorythumperI Ivorythumper

        so….

        I told my psychiatrist about my fear of palindromes and he put me on Xanax.

        George KG Offline
        George KG Offline
        George K
        wrote on last edited by
        #420

        @ivorythumper stealing that one....

        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • George KG George K

          Apologies if I posted this earlier.

          Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?

          A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.

          jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #421

          @george-k said in So....:

          Apologies if I posted this earlier.

          Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?

          A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.

          Sez who???

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #422

            Between Saving Private Ryan ($70 MM), Interstellar
            ($165 MM), and The Martian ($108 MM), America has spent nearly $350 million trying to rescue Matt Damon.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            1 Reply Last reply
            • IvorythumperI Offline
              IvorythumperI Offline
              Ivorythumper
              wrote on last edited by
              #423

              So… a guy walks into a bar with a newt.

              "A pint of beer for me and a glass of water for my newt, please."

              "Strange pet," says the barkeep. "What’s his name?"

              "Tiny," answers the man.

              "Why?" the bartender inquires.

              "I call him Tiny because he’s my newt."

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                #424

                A mother and her son were on a Southwest Airlines flight.
                The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.
                So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs
                and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'

                The busy flight attendant smiled and said, ‘Did your Mother tell you to ask me?' The boy said, 'Yes, she did! 'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time.

                Have your mother explain that to you."

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #425

                  To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.

                  It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                    To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.

                    It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.

                    George KG Offline
                    George KG Offline
                    George K
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #426

                    @jon-nyc said in So....:

                    To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.
                    It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.

                    Good thing I hadn't started my coffee.

                    That's perfect (and stolen).

                    alt text

                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • LuFins DadL Offline
                      LuFins DadL Offline
                      LuFins Dad
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #427

                      A raven has 17 primary wing feathers also known as pinions. A crow has 16. The difference between a crow and a raven is a matter of a pinion.

                      The Brad

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • George KG George K referenced this topic on
                      • jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #428

                        Hey George -

                        How many screws does it take to put a lesbian’s bed together?

                        None, it’s all tongue and groove.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                          Hey George -

                          How many screws does it take to put a lesbian’s bed together?

                          None, it’s all tongue and groove.

                          George KG Offline
                          George KG Offline
                          George K
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #429

                          @jon-nyc

                          Q: What's the difference between a lesbian and a ritz cracker? 

                          A: One's a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Online
                            jon-nycJ Online
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #430

                            Elon Musk is from South Africa, which is strange.

                            You’d think he was from Mad-at-gas-car.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • George KG Offline
                              George KG Offline
                              George K
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #431

                              My wife wants me to slap her ass when we have sex.

                              She said it will stop her from falling asleep!

                              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • LarryL Offline
                                LarryL Offline
                                Larry
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #432

                                I just recently learned that I am color blind.

                                The news came right out of the purple...

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • LarryL Offline
                                  LarryL Offline
                                  Larry
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #433

                                  All I do any more is crush cans.

                                  It's soda pressing.....

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • LarryL Offline
                                    LarryL Offline
                                    Larry
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #434

                                    This morning SIRI suddenly said "and don't call me Shirley".

                                    That's when I discovered I had it in airplane mode....

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                                      #435

                                      Me: Finally gets 8hrs of sleep

                                      My neck: Congrats but you did it wrong!

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #436

                                        If I don’t sin, that means Jesus died for nothing.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • X Offline
                                          X Offline
                                          xenon
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #437

                                          Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise

                                          He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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