Skip to content
  • Categories
  • Recent
  • Tags
  • Popular
  • Users
  • Groups
Skins
  • Light
  • Cerulean
  • Cosmo
  • Flatly
  • Journal
  • Litera
  • Lumen
  • Lux
  • Materia
  • Minty
  • Morph
  • Pulse
  • Sandstone
  • Simplex
  • Sketchy
  • Spacelab
  • United
  • Yeti
  • Zephyr
  • Dark
  • Cyborg
  • Darkly
  • Quartz
  • Slate
  • Solar
  • Superhero
  • Vapor

  • Default (No Skin)
  • No Skin
Collapse

The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
1.0k Posts 26 Posters 85.4k Views
  • Oldest to Newest
  • Newest to Oldest
  • Most Votes
Reply
  • Reply as topic
Log in to reply
This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
  • jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #422

    Between Saving Private Ryan ($70 MM), Interstellar
    ($165 MM), and The Martian ($108 MM), America has spent nearly $350 million trying to rescue Matt Damon.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • IvorythumperI Offline
      IvorythumperI Offline
      Ivorythumper
      wrote on last edited by
      #423

      So… a guy walks into a bar with a newt.

      "A pint of beer for me and a glass of water for my newt, please."

      "Strange pet," says the barkeep. "What’s his name?"

      "Tiny," answers the man.

      "Why?" the bartender inquires.

      "I call him Tiny because he’s my newt."

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
        #424

        A mother and her son were on a Southwest Airlines flight.
        The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.
        So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs
        and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'

        The busy flight attendant smiled and said, ‘Did your Mother tell you to ask me?' The boy said, 'Yes, she did! 'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time.

        Have your mother explain that to you."

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #425

          To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.

          It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          George KG 1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

            To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.

            It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.

            George KG Offline
            George KG Offline
            George K
            wrote on last edited by
            #426

            @jon-nyc said in So....:

            To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.
            It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.

            Good thing I hadn't started my coffee.

            That's perfect (and stolen).

            alt text

            "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

            The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • LuFins DadL Offline
              LuFins DadL Offline
              LuFins Dad
              wrote on last edited by
              #427

              A raven has 17 primary wing feathers also known as pinions. A crow has 16. The difference between a crow and a raven is a matter of a pinion.

              The Brad

              1 Reply Last reply
              • George KG George K referenced this topic on
              • jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #428

                Hey George -

                How many screws does it take to put a lesbian’s bed together?

                None, it’s all tongue and groove.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                  Hey George -

                  How many screws does it take to put a lesbian’s bed together?

                  None, it’s all tongue and groove.

                  George KG Offline
                  George KG Offline
                  George K
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #429

                  @jon-nyc

                  Q: What's the difference between a lesbian and a ritz cracker? 

                  A: One's a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

                  "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                  The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #430

                    Elon Musk is from South Africa, which is strange.

                    You’d think he was from Mad-at-gas-car.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • George KG Offline
                      George KG Offline
                      George K
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #431

                      My wife wants me to slap her ass when we have sex.

                      She said it will stop her from falling asleep!

                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • LarryL Offline
                        LarryL Offline
                        Larry
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #432

                        I just recently learned that I am color blind.

                        The news came right out of the purple...

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • LarryL Offline
                          LarryL Offline
                          Larry
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #433

                          All I do any more is crush cans.

                          It's soda pressing.....

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • LarryL Offline
                            LarryL Offline
                            Larry
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #434

                            This morning SIRI suddenly said "and don't call me Shirley".

                            That's when I discovered I had it in airplane mode....

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Online
                              jon-nycJ Online
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                              #435

                              Me: Finally gets 8hrs of sleep

                              My neck: Congrats but you did it wrong!

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Online
                                jon-nycJ Online
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #436

                                If I don’t sin, that means Jesus died for nothing.

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • X Offline
                                  X Offline
                                  xenon
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #437

                                  Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise

                                  He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • George KG Offline
                                    George KG Offline
                                    George K
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #438

                                    Warning: If you get sent a link to listen to the new Ed Sheeran and Elton John Christmas song, don't open it.

                                    It's a link to listen to the new Ed Sheeran and Elton John Christmas song.

                                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #439

                                      I just filled in a CAPTCHA so tough it had me seriously considering the possibility that I’m a robot.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • George KG Offline
                                        George KG Offline
                                        George K
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #440

                                        So....

                                        A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half-inch thick gold chain around his neck walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

                                        He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

                                        The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You will have to drive his 2021 Mercedes-Benz CL and he will furnish your clothes."

                                        "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges because the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

                                        The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

                                        The social worker said, "Yeah, well... you started it."

                                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Online
                                          jon-nycJ Online
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #441

                                          I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

                                          He’s a singer songwriter. Or sew it seams.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
                                          Reply
                                          • Reply as topic
                                          Log in to reply
                                          • Oldest to Newest
                                          • Newest to Oldest
                                          • Most Votes


                                          • Login

                                          • Don't have an account? Register

                                          • Login or register to search.
                                          • First post
                                            Last post
                                          0
                                          • Categories
                                          • Recent
                                          • Tags
                                          • Popular
                                          • Users
                                          • Groups