So....
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wrote on 11 Nov 2021, 12:22 last edited by
What’s worse than your girlfriend sending you a break-up text?
A follow-up text saying ‘Sorry, that wasn’t for you.’
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wrote on 11 Nov 2021, 12:36 last edited by
Apologies if I posted this earlier.
Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?
A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.
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wrote on 12 Nov 2021, 14:09 last edited by
so….
I told my psychiatrist about my fear of palindromes and he put me on Xanax.
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so….
I told my psychiatrist about my fear of palindromes and he put me on Xanax.
wrote on 12 Nov 2021, 14:57 last edited by@ivorythumper stealing that one....
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Apologies if I posted this earlier.
Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?
A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.
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wrote on 15 Nov 2021, 16:16 last edited by
Between Saving Private Ryan ($70 MM), Interstellar
($165 MM), and The Martian ($108 MM), America has spent nearly $350 million trying to rescue Matt Damon. -
wrote on 15 Nov 2021, 17:37 last edited by
So… a guy walks into a bar with a newt.
"A pint of beer for me and a glass of water for my newt, please."
"Strange pet," says the barkeep. "What’s his name?"
"Tiny," answers the man.
"Why?" the bartender inquires.
"I call him Tiny because he’s my newt."
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wrote on 16 Nov 2021, 05:33 last edited by jon-nyc
A mother and her son were on a Southwest Airlines flight.
The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs
and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'The busy flight attendant smiled and said, ‘Did your Mother tell you to ask me?' The boy said, 'Yes, she did! 'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time.
Have your mother explain that to you."
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wrote on 16 Nov 2021, 10:05 last edited by
To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.
It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.
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To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.
It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.
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wrote on 16 Nov 2021, 16:33 last edited by
A raven has 17 primary wing feathers also known as pinions. A crow has 16. The difference between a crow and a raven is a matter of a pinion.
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G George K referenced this topic on 20 Nov 2021, 14:31
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wrote on 24 Nov 2021, 23:00 last edited by
Hey George -
How many screws does it take to put a lesbian’s bed together?
None, it’s all tongue and groove.
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Hey George -
How many screws does it take to put a lesbian’s bed together?
None, it’s all tongue and groove.
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wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 05:49 last edited by
Elon Musk is from South Africa, which is strange.
You’d think he was from Mad-at-gas-car.
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wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 14:41 last edited by
My wife wants me to slap her ass when we have sex.
She said it will stop her from falling asleep!
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wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 16:53 last edited by
I just recently learned that I am color blind.
The news came right out of the purple...
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wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 16:55 last edited by
All I do any more is crush cans.
It's soda pressing.....
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wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 16:59 last edited by
This morning SIRI suddenly said "and don't call me Shirley".
That's when I discovered I had it in airplane mode....
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wrote on 28 Nov 2021, 04:16 last edited by jon-nyc
Me: Finally gets 8hrs of sleep
My neck: Congrats but you did it wrong!
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wrote on 1 Dec 2021, 09:35 last edited by
If I don’t sin, that means Jesus died for nothing.
