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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • G George K
    9 Nov 2021, 15:43

    Why did the Italian boy try to grow a mustache?

    So he could look like his mama.

    L Offline
    L Offline
    Larry
    wrote on 9 Nov 2021, 16:24 last edited by
    #415

    @george-k said in So....:

    Why did the Italian boy try to grow a mustache?

    So he could look like his mama.

    Cold.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • J Offline
      J Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on 11 Nov 2021, 09:37 last edited by
      #416

      Walmart is giving out free turkeys to anyone who can outrun security.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • J Offline
        J Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on 11 Nov 2021, 12:22 last edited by
        #417

        What’s worse than your girlfriend sending you a break-up text?

        A follow-up text saying ‘Sorry, that wasn’t for you.’

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • G Offline
          G Offline
          George K
          wrote on 11 Nov 2021, 12:36 last edited by
          #418

          Apologies if I posted this earlier.

          Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?

          A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.

          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

          J 1 Reply Last reply 12 Nov 2021, 14:58
          • I Offline
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            Ivorythumper
            wrote on 12 Nov 2021, 14:09 last edited by
            #419

            so….

            I told my psychiatrist about my fear of palindromes and he put me on Xanax.

            G 1 Reply Last reply 12 Nov 2021, 14:57
            • I Ivorythumper
              12 Nov 2021, 14:09

              so….

              I told my psychiatrist about my fear of palindromes and he put me on Xanax.

              G Offline
              G Offline
              George K
              wrote on 12 Nov 2021, 14:57 last edited by
              #420

              @ivorythumper stealing that one....

              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • G George K
                11 Nov 2021, 12:36

                Apologies if I posted this earlier.

                Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?

                A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.

                J Offline
                J Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on 12 Nov 2021, 14:58 last edited by
                #421

                @george-k said in So....:

                Apologies if I posted this earlier.

                Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?

                A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.

                Sez who???

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Offline
                  J Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 15 Nov 2021, 16:16 last edited by
                  #422

                  Between Saving Private Ryan ($70 MM), Interstellar
                  ($165 MM), and The Martian ($108 MM), America has spent nearly $350 million trying to rescue Matt Damon.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • I Offline
                    I Offline
                    Ivorythumper
                    wrote on 15 Nov 2021, 17:37 last edited by
                    #423

                    So… a guy walks into a bar with a newt.

                    "A pint of beer for me and a glass of water for my newt, please."

                    "Strange pet," says the barkeep. "What’s his name?"

                    "Tiny," answers the man.

                    "Why?" the bartender inquires.

                    "I call him Tiny because he’s my newt."

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • J Offline
                      J Offline
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on 16 Nov 2021, 05:33 last edited by jon-nyc
                      #424

                      A mother and her son were on a Southwest Airlines flight.
                      The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.
                      So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs
                      and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'

                      The busy flight attendant smiled and said, ‘Did your Mother tell you to ask me?' The boy said, 'Yes, she did! 'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time.

                      Have your mother explain that to you."

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • J Offline
                        J Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on 16 Nov 2021, 10:05 last edited by
                        #425

                        To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.

                        It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        G 1 Reply Last reply 16 Nov 2021, 12:25
                        • J jon-nyc
                          16 Nov 2021, 10:05

                          To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.

                          It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.

                          G Offline
                          G Offline
                          George K
                          wrote on 16 Nov 2021, 12:25 last edited by
                          #426

                          @jon-nyc said in So....:

                          To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through his heart.
                          It sounds simple but the process is painstaking.

                          Good thing I hadn't started my coffee.

                          That's perfect (and stolen).

                          alt text

                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • L Offline
                            L Offline
                            LuFins Dad
                            wrote on 16 Nov 2021, 16:33 last edited by
                            #427

                            A raven has 17 primary wing feathers also known as pinions. A crow has 16. The difference between a crow and a raven is a matter of a pinion.

                            The Brad

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • G George K referenced this topic on 20 Nov 2021, 14:31
                            • J Offline
                              J Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on 24 Nov 2021, 23:00 last edited by
                              #428

                              Hey George -

                              How many screws does it take to put a lesbian’s bed together?

                              None, it’s all tongue and groove.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              G 1 Reply Last reply 24 Nov 2021, 23:11
                              • J jon-nyc
                                24 Nov 2021, 23:00

                                Hey George -

                                How many screws does it take to put a lesbian’s bed together?

                                None, it’s all tongue and groove.

                                G Offline
                                G Offline
                                George K
                                wrote on 24 Nov 2021, 23:11 last edited by
                                #429

                                @jon-nyc

                                Q: What's the difference between a lesbian and a ritz cracker? 

                                A: One's a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

                                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Offline
                                  J Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 05:49 last edited by
                                  #430

                                  Elon Musk is from South Africa, which is strange.

                                  You’d think he was from Mad-at-gas-car.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • G Offline
                                    G Offline
                                    George K
                                    wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 14:41 last edited by
                                    #431

                                    My wife wants me to slap her ass when we have sex.

                                    She said it will stop her from falling asleep!

                                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • L Offline
                                      L Offline
                                      Larry
                                      wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 16:53 last edited by
                                      #432

                                      I just recently learned that I am color blind.

                                      The news came right out of the purple...

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • L Offline
                                        L Offline
                                        Larry
                                        wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 16:55 last edited by
                                        #433

                                        All I do any more is crush cans.

                                        It's soda pressing.....

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • L Offline
                                          L Offline
                                          Larry
                                          wrote on 25 Nov 2021, 16:59 last edited by
                                          #434

                                          This morning SIRI suddenly said "and don't call me Shirley".

                                          That's when I discovered I had it in airplane mode....

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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