So....
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wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:06 last edited by
Last night my wife met me at the front door wearing nothing but a tiny little see through nightie.
Unfortunately, she was the one coming home....
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wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:16 last edited by
Knock knock.....
Who's there?
Grandpa.
Shit...... Stop the funeral!!
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wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:28 last edited by
So.. I booked a flight today and the girl said "window or aisle?"
I said "Window or you'll what?"
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wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:29 last edited by
So.. the feminist picnic was a total disaster...
None of them were willing to make sammiches...
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wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:33 last edited by
This quarantine stay at home thing is apparently putting a real strain on many marriages.
But I'm happy to report that mine is going strong.. just this morning I woke up to find my wife holding a pillow tightly over my face... she was just trying to protect me from the virus..
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wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:36 last edited by
You guys might know.... should the right testicle be bigger than the middle one?
Asking for a friend....
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wrote on 22 May 2020, 22:48 last edited by
A priest, a imam, and a rabbit go into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?”
The rabbit says, “I don’t know, I’m only here because of autocorrect”.
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A priest, a imam, and a rabbit go into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?”
The rabbit says, “I don’t know, I’m only here because of autocorrect”.
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wrote on 27 May 2020, 01:03 last edited by
I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
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wrote on 30 May 2020, 19:00 last edited by
I overdosed on Viagra last week.
It was the hardest day of my life....
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wrote on 1 Jun 2020, 22:47 last edited by
The Amish community had 20 cases of Corona yesterday.
They drank it all in a few hours though...
Man you should see the screwed up barn they built.....
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wrote on 1 Jun 2020, 22:47 last edited by
They said they were feeling a little hoarse and buggy....
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wrote on 1 Jun 2020, 22:51 last edited by
I read in the news that anagram lovers were more likely to get the virus if they were asked to spell "racoon"...
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wrote on 1 Jun 2020, 22:54 last edited by
My doctor told me I have chronic constipation.
Personally, I couldn't give a shit.
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wrote on 5 Jun 2020, 21:57 last edited by
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint both crashed on an island. All the sailors were marooned.
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wrote on 7 Jun 2020, 15:53 last edited by
So the guy who invented throat lozenges died the other day.
There was no coffin at his funeral....
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wrote on 7 Jun 2020, 15:56 last edited by
So.. I asked my urologist if he could do a scrotal lift. He said "Yes, I've made a lot of money going for the low hanging fruit..."
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wrote on 7 Jun 2020, 16:01 last edited by
I used to cry during sex......
But pepper spray doesn't bother me much any more....
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wrote on 7 Jun 2020, 17:15 last edited by
CDC: “Avoid handshakes for the foreseeable future. “
Jeffrey Dahlmer: “Damn!”
** turns off blender**
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wrote on 9 Jun 2020, 00:13 last edited by
A man goes into a bar with two Dobermans. He greets the bartender and orders a Scotch for himself and two martinis for the dogs. The barkeep, being a broadminded fellow, brings all three their drinks. They drink up, the man thanks the bartender, and they leave.
The following night the man returns, again accompanied by the Dobies. Again he orders a Scotch for himself and martinis for the dogs. Again they all drink up, the man thanks the bartender, and they leave.
This goes on for five nights. Orders, drinks, thanks, leaves.
The following evening the man comes in alone, carrying a white box. He says to the bartender, "I want you to know how much I appreciate your service. It isn't everywhere that my two friends are made to feel so welcome. This is for you." He hands the box to the bartender, who opens it to find a large lobster. "Oh, thank you!" he says. "We'll have him for dinner!"
The man says, "Oh, he's already eaten. Why don't you take him to a show?"
