So....
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So.. the world's oldest man died today....
Why does this keep happening?.....
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I've figured out why so many old women have so many cats..
It's called many paws.....
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So...
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Last night my wife met me at the front door wearing nothing but a tiny little see through nightie.
Unfortunately, she was the one coming home....
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Knock knock.....
Who's there?
Grandpa.
Shit...... Stop the funeral!!
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So.. I booked a flight today and the girl said "window or aisle?"
I said "Window or you'll what?"
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So.. the feminist picnic was a total disaster...
None of them were willing to make sammiches...
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This quarantine stay at home thing is apparently putting a real strain on many marriages.
But I'm happy to report that mine is going strong.. just this morning I woke up to find my wife holding a pillow tightly over my face... she was just trying to protect me from the virus..
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You guys might know.... should the right testicle be bigger than the middle one?
Asking for a friend....
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A priest, a imam, and a rabbit go into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?”
The rabbit says, “I don’t know, I’m only here because of autocorrect”.
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I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
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I overdosed on Viagra last week.
It was the hardest day of my life....
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The Amish community had 20 cases of Corona yesterday.
They drank it all in a few hours though...
Man you should see the screwed up barn they built.....
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They said they were feeling a little hoarse and buggy....
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I read in the news that anagram lovers were more likely to get the virus if they were asked to spell "racoon"...
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My doctor told me I have chronic constipation.
Personally, I couldn't give a shit.
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A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint both crashed on an island. All the sailors were marooned.
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So the guy who invented throat lozenges died the other day.
There was no coffin at his funeral....
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So.. I asked my urologist if he could do a scrotal lift. He said "Yes, I've made a lot of money going for the low hanging fruit..."
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