So....
-
So.. the world's oldest man died today....
Why does this keep happening?.....
-
I've figured out why so many old women have so many cats..
It's called many paws.....
-
-
Last night my wife met me at the front door wearing nothing but a tiny little see through nightie.
Unfortunately, she was the one coming home....
-
Knock knock.....
Who's there?
Grandpa.
Shit...... Stop the funeral!!
-
So.. I booked a flight today and the girl said "window or aisle?"
I said "Window or you'll what?"
-
So.. the feminist picnic was a total disaster...
None of them were willing to make sammiches...
-
This quarantine stay at home thing is apparently putting a real strain on many marriages.
But I'm happy to report that mine is going strong.. just this morning I woke up to find my wife holding a pillow tightly over my face... she was just trying to protect me from the virus..
-
You guys might know.... should the right testicle be bigger than the middle one?
Asking for a friend....
-
A priest, a imam, and a rabbit go into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?”
The rabbit says, “I don’t know, I’m only here because of autocorrect”.
-
I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
-
I overdosed on Viagra last week.
It was the hardest day of my life....
-
The Amish community had 20 cases of Corona yesterday.
They drank it all in a few hours though...
Man you should see the screwed up barn they built.....
-
They said they were feeling a little hoarse and buggy....
-
I read in the news that anagram lovers were more likely to get the virus if they were asked to spell "racoon"...
-
My doctor told me I have chronic constipation.
Personally, I couldn't give a shit.
-
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint both crashed on an island. All the sailors were marooned.
-
So the guy who invented throat lozenges died the other day.
There was no coffin at his funeral....
-
So.. I asked my urologist if he could do a scrotal lift. He said "Yes, I've made a lot of money going for the low hanging fruit..."
32/978