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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • L Offline
    L Offline
    Larry
    wrote on 28 Apr 2020, 14:27 last edited by
    #15

    So.. the Catholic church just released a new aftershave...

    Eau My God.....

    1 Reply Last reply
    • L Offline
      L Offline
      Larry
      wrote on 28 Apr 2020, 14:28 last edited by
      #16

      So.. my grandfather was in the army until he ate all the rations...

      He was shot for desserting ...

      1 Reply Last reply
      • L Offline
        L Offline
        Larry
        wrote on 28 Apr 2020, 14:31 last edited by
        #17

        Did you know that when you say the word "poop" your mouth moves the same way your butthole moves?

        The same goes for "explosive diahrrea"....

        1 Reply Last reply
        • J Online
          J Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on 9 May 2020, 14:45 last edited by
          #18

          If after the lockdown you were given 2 options:

          Fly with your wife to a dream destination or have a BBQ with the guys, what would you choose?

          1. Rare,
          2. Medium rare or
          3. Medium?

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • L Offline
            L Offline
            Larry
            wrote on 12 May 2020, 01:20 last edited by
            #19

            So.. in this difficult time we should all endeavor to lend a helping hand to others when we can. Just today I helped my neighbor bury a large rug in the woods behind her house.

            Her husband would have helped, but he's out of town.....

            1 Reply Last reply
            • L Offline
              L Offline
              Larry
              wrote on 12 May 2020, 01:22 last edited by
              #20

              My wife said she's leaving me because she's sick and tired of my "weird sexual fetishes"..

              So I said "oh yeah? Well just slam the door on my pecker when you leave!!"

              1 Reply Last reply
              • L Offline
                L Offline
                Larry
                wrote on 12 May 2020, 01:23 last edited by
                #21

                I don't trust people who have fruit fetishes..

                They usually come in pears....

                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Online
                  J Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 15 May 2020, 01:53 last edited by
                  #22

                  Since hockey has been canceled, nobody has seen the Zamboni driver.

                  But don’t worry. He’ll resurface eventually.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • L Offline
                    L Offline
                    Larry
                    wrote on 15 May 2020, 15:38 last edited by
                    #23

                    So.. the world's oldest man died today....

                    Why does this keep happening?.....

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • L Offline
                      L Offline
                      Larry
                      wrote on 15 May 2020, 15:39 last edited by
                      #24

                      I've figured out why so many old women have so many cats..

                      It's called many paws.....

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • I Offline
                        I Offline
                        Improviso
                        wrote on 18 May 2020, 11:59 last edited by
                        #25

                        So...😬

                        98001931_10222216159102756_1798359470338736128_n.jpg

                        We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences.
                        Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • L Offline
                          L Offline
                          Larry
                          wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:06 last edited by
                          #26

                          Last night my wife met me at the front door wearing nothing but a tiny little see through nightie.

                          Unfortunately, she was the one coming home....

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • L Offline
                            L Offline
                            Larry
                            wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:16 last edited by
                            #27

                            Knock knock.....

                            Who's there?

                            Grandpa.

                            Shit...... Stop the funeral!!

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • L Offline
                              L Offline
                              Larry
                              wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:28 last edited by
                              #28

                              So.. I booked a flight today and the girl said "window or aisle?"

                              I said "Window or you'll what?"

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • L Offline
                                L Offline
                                Larry
                                wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:29 last edited by
                                #29

                                So.. the feminist picnic was a total disaster...

                                None of them were willing to make sammiches...

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • L Offline
                                  L Offline
                                  Larry
                                  wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:33 last edited by
                                  #30

                                  This quarantine stay at home thing is apparently putting a real strain on many marriages.

                                  But I'm happy to report that mine is going strong.. just this morning I woke up to find my wife holding a pillow tightly over my face... she was just trying to protect me from the virus..

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • L Offline
                                    L Offline
                                    Larry
                                    wrote on 19 May 2020, 01:36 last edited by
                                    #31

                                    You guys might know.... should the right testicle be bigger than the middle one?

                                    Asking for a friend....

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • J Online
                                      J Online
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on 22 May 2020, 22:48 last edited by
                                      #32

                                      A priest, a imam, and a rabbit go into a bar.

                                      The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?”

                                      The rabbit says, “I don’t know, I’m only here because of autocorrect”.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      George KG 1 Reply Last reply 22 May 2020, 23:13
                                      • J jon-nyc
                                        22 May 2020, 22:48

                                        A priest, a imam, and a rabbit go into a bar.

                                        The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?”

                                        The rabbit says, “I don’t know, I’m only here because of autocorrect”.

                                        George KG Offline
                                        George KG Offline
                                        George K
                                        wrote on 22 May 2020, 23:13 last edited by
                                        #33

                                        @jon-nyc 😀

                                        Saving that one for future reference....

                                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • J Online
                                          J Online
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on 27 May 2020, 01:03 last edited by
                                          #34

                                          I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

                                          I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          1 Reply Last reply
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