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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #190

    I had 7 women ask me out today.

    I should accidentally walk into the women’s room more often.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #191

      Me: Be kind, you never know what other people are going through.

      Also me: Nice turn signal, fuck face.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • X Offline
        X Offline
        xenon
        wrote on last edited by
        #192

        My Korean friend died today...

        Soh Yung...

        It’s tough to lose a Seoul mate...

        LarryL 1 Reply Last reply
        • LarryL Offline
          LarryL Offline
          Larry
          wrote on last edited by
          #193

          So today my wife said "every morning before he leaves the house for work, our neighbor makes love to his wife. Why can't you do that?"

          I said "well, if you insist.. But I don't really know the woman all that much....."

          1 Reply Last reply
          • LarryL Offline
            LarryL Offline
            Larry
            wrote on last edited by
            #194

            Due to Covid the 7 Dwarfs have been told that they cannot get together as a group this Christmas.

            One of them is not Happy.....

            1 Reply Last reply
            • LarryL Offline
              LarryL Offline
              Larry
              wrote on last edited by
              #195

              So the interviewer says...
              "Sir, can you perform under pressure?"

              I said "No, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody ....."

              1 Reply Last reply
              • George KG Offline
                George KG Offline
                George K
                wrote on last edited by
                #196

                A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

                "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

                "We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

                “United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

                "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Taste.”

                "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump.”

                "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”

                "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. ”You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.”

                A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

                "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of United’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and we had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on us hand and foot..

                And the Taste hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!”

                "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.”

                "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet us.

                Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me..”

                "Oh, really! What'd he say?”

                He said: "Who fucked up your hair

                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #197

                  We just found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

                  No one is taking it harder than my grandmother.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • Catseye3C Offline
                    Catseye3C Offline
                    Catseye3
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #198

                    "What did the horse say to the other horse when he fell down?"

                    "I don't know. What?"

                    "Help. I've fallen and I can't giddy-up."

                    0143fed9-1b72-43ec-8eb0-f358b3f784e4-image.png

                    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • X xenon

                      My Korean friend died today...

                      Soh Yung...

                      It’s tough to lose a Seoul mate...

                      LarryL Offline
                      LarryL Offline
                      Larry
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #199

                      @xenon said in So....:

                      My Korean friend died today...

                      Soh Yung...

                      It’s tough to lose a Seoul mate...

                      Did you hear about the Chinese couple who gave birth to a black baby?

                      They named it Sum Ting Wong...

                      X 1 Reply Last reply
                      • LarryL Larry

                        @xenon said in So....:

                        My Korean friend died today...

                        Soh Yung...

                        It’s tough to lose a Seoul mate...

                        Did you hear about the Chinese couple who gave birth to a black baby?

                        They named it Sum Ting Wong...

                        X Offline
                        X Offline
                        xenon
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #200

                        @Larry said in So....:

                        @xenon said in So....:

                        My Korean friend died today...

                        Soh Yung...

                        It’s tough to lose a Seoul mate...

                        Did you hear about the Chinese couple who gave birth to a black baby?

                        They named it Sum Ting Wong...

                        Ho Lee Fuk

                        LarryL 1 Reply Last reply
                        • X xenon

                          @Larry said in So....:

                          @xenon said in So....:

                          My Korean friend died today...

                          Soh Yung...

                          It’s tough to lose a Seoul mate...

                          Did you hear about the Chinese couple who gave birth to a black baby?

                          They named it Sum Ting Wong...

                          Ho Lee Fuk

                          LarryL Offline
                          LarryL Offline
                          Larry
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #201

                          @xenon said in So....:

                          @Larry said in So....:

                          @xenon said in So....:

                          My Korean friend died today...

                          Soh Yung...

                          It’s tough to lose a Seoul mate...

                          Did you hear about the Chinese couple who gave birth to a black baby?

                          They named it Sum Ting Wong...

                          Ho Lee Fuk

                          I remember him. I sold him a baby grand for his daughter Yu Wan......

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #202

                            Not to brag or anything, but every time I go to the store the cashiers check me out.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #203

                              I was this close to buying a Bugatti Veyon but no cup holder is a total dealbreaker so I got my Corolla instead.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #204

                                If I had $.50 for every math exam I ever failed, I’d have $8.40

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • LarryL Offline
                                  LarryL Offline
                                  Larry
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #205

                                  So.... the difference between me AndyD is that when I say "I blew a tranny" I'm having car trouble....

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • LarryL Offline
                                    LarryL Offline
                                    Larry
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #206

                                    My neighbor accidentally shot his wife through her nipple.

                                    Tore her kneecap plumb off....

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • LarryL Offline
                                      LarryL Offline
                                      Larry
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #207

                                      So.. I was in a bar last night when the bartender shouted "Anyone here know CPR?"
                                      I shouted "I do!! In fact, I know the whole alphabet!!"

                                      Everybody in the place laughed... except for this one guy.....

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • LarryL Offline
                                        LarryL Offline
                                        Larry
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #208

                                        So I told my wife about seeing a man get thrown under a bus today.

                                        She said "oh my! Was it moving?"

                                        I said "a few people cried, but I was ok.."

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • LarryL Offline
                                          LarryL Offline
                                          Larry
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #209

                                          So.. I won a million dollars in the lottery today.

                                          I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

                                          Now I have $999,999.75....

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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