So....

[Mik]

55555

[xenon]

Apparently my family is racist.

I introduced them to my black girlfriend and they all started yelling at us. Especially my wife.

[jon-nyc]

Three cops kicked in my door with guns drawn and yelled "Come out with your hands up!"

So I threw my arms in the air and yelled "I'M GAY!".

[jon-nyc]

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your date of birth online and you have to spin the birth year thingy like it’s the fucking wheel of fortune.

[Larry]

I saw a flying saucer last night.

It appeared right after the coffee cup my wife threw at me....

[Larry]

I just released a new fragrance.

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Nobody in the car liked it, though...

[Larry]

I named my new car Elizabeth Warren.

It's white, but it says it's a Cherokee....

[jon-nyc]

Lol

[jon-nyc]

“Fuck off” spelled backwards is just “fuck off” in an Irish accent.

[LuFins Dad]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

“Fuck off” spelled backwards is just “fuck off” in an Irish accent.

Belly laugh!

[jon-nyc]

In my day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled ‘last call’.

[Larry]

Due to covid, only 6 people can gather for thanksgiving dinner. But 30 people can come to a funeral.

So..... services will be held for our pet Turkey Butterball who will pass away november 24th, the services will be held on thanksgiving day.

Refreshments will be provided.

In lieu of flowers we asked that you bring a side dish...

[Loki]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

In my day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled ‘last call’.

In the vein we used to say during scramble hour “if your standards are to high, lower them.”

[George K]

@Loki said in So....:

“if your standards are to high, lower them.”

Related:

[jon-nyc]

I had 7 women ask me out today.

I should accidentally walk into the women’s room more often.

[jon-nyc]

Me: Be kind, you never know what other people are going through.

Also me: Nice turn signal, fuck face.

[xenon]

My Korean friend died today...

Soh Yung...

It’s tough to lose a Seoul mate...

[Larry]

So today my wife said "every morning before he leaves the house for work, our neighbor makes love to his wife. Why can't you do that?"

I said "well, if you insist.. But I don't really know the woman all that much....."

[Larry]

Due to Covid the 7 Dwarfs have been told that they cannot get together as a group this Christmas.

One of them is not Happy.....

[Larry]

So the interviewer says...
"Sir, can you perform under pressure?"

I said "No, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody ....."