So....
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wrote on 26 Oct 2020, 21:04 last edited by
A man walked into the Women's Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York City. He told the saleswoman, "I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B."
With a quizzical look, the salesclerk asked, "What kind of bra?"
He repeated. "A Baptist Bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Baptist Bra and that you would know what she wanted."
"Ah, now I remember," said the saleswoman. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra."
Confused, and a little flustered, the man inquired, "Well, what are the differences?"
The lady responded, "It's all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the Masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen; and the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright."
He pondered that information for a moment, then asked, "So, what is the Baptist type for?"
She replied, "They make mountains out of molehills."
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wrote on 27 Oct 2020, 20:18 last edited by
So the other night I just suddenly stopped cold during sex.
My girlfriend asked what was up.
I said “Shhh, baby, I saw this on Pornhub. It’s called buffering”.
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wrote on 27 Oct 2020, 21:01 last edited by
55555
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wrote on 29 Oct 2020, 00:28 last edited by
Apparently my family is racist.
I introduced them to my black girlfriend and they all started yelling at us. Especially my wife.
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wrote on 31 Oct 2020, 02:24 last edited by
Three cops kicked in my door with guns drawn and yelled "Come out with your hands up!"
So I threw my arms in the air and yelled "I'M GAY!".
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wrote on 3 Nov 2020, 16:57 last edited by jon-nyc 11 Mar 2020, 16:58
You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your date of birth online and you have to spin the birth year thingy like it’s the fucking wheel of fortune.
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wrote on 6 Nov 2020, 02:22 last edited by
I saw a flying saucer last night.
It appeared right after the coffee cup my wife threw at me....
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wrote on 6 Nov 2020, 02:23 last edited by
I just released a new fragrance.
.
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.
.
.
Nobody in the car liked it, though... -
wrote on 10 Nov 2020, 12:24 last edited by
I named my new car Elizabeth Warren.
It's white, but it says it's a Cherokee....
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wrote on 10 Nov 2020, 12:37 last edited by
Lol
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wrote on 13 Nov 2020, 16:07 last edited by
“Fuck off” spelled backwards is just “fuck off” in an Irish accent.
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wrote on 13 Nov 2020, 20:47 last edited by
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wrote on 20 Nov 2020, 02:21 last edited by
In my day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled ‘last call’.
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wrote on 20 Nov 2020, 02:35 last edited by
Due to covid, only 6 people can gather for thanksgiving dinner. But 30 people can come to a funeral.
So..... services will be held for our pet Turkey Butterball who will pass away november 24th, the services will be held on thanksgiving day.
Refreshments will be provided.
In lieu of flowers we asked that you bring a side dish...
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In my day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled ‘last call’.
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wrote on 21 Nov 2020, 00:32 last edited by
I had 7 women ask me out today.
I should accidentally walk into the women’s room more often.
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wrote on 21 Nov 2020, 02:10 last edited by
Me: Be kind, you never know what other people are going through.
Also me: Nice turn signal, fuck face.
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wrote on 24 Nov 2020, 20:44 last edited by
My Korean friend died today...
Soh Yung...
It’s tough to lose a Seoul mate...
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wrote on 28 Nov 2020, 00:33 last edited by
So today my wife said "every morning before he leaves the house for work, our neighbor makes love to his wife. Why can't you do that?"
I said "well, if you insist.. But I don't really know the woman all that much....."
