So....
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A little town out west. Only two sources of entertainment- a saloon, and a who're house. Every Saturday morning like clockwork, Bug Eyed John would come into town, and go into the saloon at precisely 10am. He would drink until 12 noon, and then stagger out of the saloon drunk, and stagger down the street to the who're house. He would arrive at precisely 12:05, go up to the madam and ask to spend some time with Sally, a certain girl who worked there. And every Saturday at 12:06, the madam would throw him out. He would then stagger off back into the desert, and no one would see him again until the next Saturday.
One year New Year's Eve landed on a Friday night and there was a huge party at the who're house. Saturday morning cam, the madam woke up in the living room on the floor. She had a terrible hangover. She looked at the mess left from the party, thought about how hard it would be to clean up with her head hurting so bad, then noticed that it was 12 noon. "Oh shit" she thought.. that drunk will be here in 5 minutes and I just don't feel like dealing with him today..."
Then she noticed a blow up doll laying on the couch, and had an idea. She grabbed the blowup doll, found a bicycle pump, and ran upstairs into a bedroom, pumped the doll up until it was about to burst, then stuffed it into the bed under the covers. Then she went downstairs to wait for the drunk. He staggered in the door and asked to spend some time with Sally. The madam said "ok. First door on the left, top of the stairs." He was accustomed to being thrown out, so he was so happy as he climbed the stairs,
After about a minute he came staggering down the stairs and headed toward the door. The madam said, " Well, how was it?" The drunk said "Boy, I knew if I ever got my hands on Sally she'd be a wild One! I slung back the covers, pinched her on the titty, and she farted and flew right out the window!"
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A man walked into the Women's Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York City. He told the saleswoman, "I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B."
With a quizzical look, the salesclerk asked, "What kind of bra?"
He repeated. "A Baptist Bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Baptist Bra and that you would know what she wanted."
"Ah, now I remember," said the saleswoman. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra."
Confused, and a little flustered, the man inquired, "Well, what are the differences?"
The lady responded, "It's all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the Masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen; and the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright."
He pondered that information for a moment, then asked, "So, what is the Baptist type for?"
She replied, "They make mountains out of molehills."
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Due to covid, only 6 people can gather for thanksgiving dinner. But 30 people can come to a funeral.
So..... services will be held for our pet Turkey Butterball who will pass away november 24th, the services will be held on thanksgiving day.
Refreshments will be provided.
In lieu of flowers we asked that you bring a side dish...
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In my day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled ‘last call’.
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