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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • J Offline
    J Offline
    jon-nyc
    wrote on 18 Sept 2020, 23:05 last edited by
    #133

    I finally asked this girl I’m dating how she liked sex.

    She said “I like it infrequently”.

    So I said, “Is that one word or two?”

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
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      Larry
      wrote on 18 Sept 2020, 23:45 last edited by
      #134

      So... Joe Biden is like a web browser with 19 tabs open..

      17 are frozen and he doesn't know where the music is coming from.....

      1 Reply Last reply
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        Larry
        wrote on 18 Sept 2020, 23:46 last edited by
        #135

        If a prostitute in a cat house has a baby, is it called a brothel sprout?

        1 Reply Last reply
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          George K
          wrote on 20 Sept 2020, 17:43 last edited by
          #136

          A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, “Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.”

          Passenger: “Who?”

          Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He was a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

          Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

          Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

          Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

          Cabbie: “There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. And, he never, ever forgot to put the seat down. He wasn't like me,” he continued. “I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

          Passenger: “Wow, some guy, then.”

          Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

          Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

          Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I made the mistake of marrying his widow.”

          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

          1 Reply Last reply
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            Larry
            wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 02:57 last edited by
            #137

            So.. today, Joe Biden said "If you thought the Republican convention was exciting, just wait until we have ours!"

            1 Reply Last reply
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              Larry
              wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 16:49 last edited by
              #138

              So... I tried to remarry my ex wife once..

              But she figured out that I was only after my money....

              1 Reply Last reply
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                Larry
                wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 16:50 last edited by
                #139

                What do you get a man who has everything?

                A woman.

                She'll tell him how everything works....

                1 Reply Last reply
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                  Larry
                  wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 16:52 last edited by
                  #140

                  My wife told me she needed more space.

                  So... I locked her out of the house...

                  1 Reply Last reply
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                    Larry
                    wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 16:53 last edited by
                    #141

                    THE THREE UNWRITTEN RULES ABOUT MARRIAGE:

                    1 Reply Last reply
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                      Larry
                      wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 16:56 last edited by
                      #142

                      "Mr. Smith, I'm calling to tell you that your wife is in the hospital. I'm sorry, but she's critical."

                      "Damn... what's she complaining about this time?"....

                      1 Reply Last reply
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                        Larry
                        wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 17:00 last edited by
                        #143

                        "My wife and I had a huge fight the other night, but in the end she came crawling to me on her hands and knees."

                        "Wow.. that's impressive! What did she say?"

                        "Get out from under that bed, you cowardly son of a bitch!".....

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • L Offline
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                          Larry
                          wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 17:02 last edited by
                          #144

                          So.. I asked my wife why brides at weddings were always dressed in white.

                          She said "Because she's happy. It's the happiest day of her life."

                          So I said "is that why the groom is always dressed in black?"

                          1 Reply Last reply
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                            Larry
                            wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 17:05 last edited by
                            #145

                            I got so pissed off at my car's GPS system the other day that I yelled at it and told it to go to hell

                            2 hours later I pulled up in front of my mother in law's house....

                            1 Reply Last reply
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                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 10:54 last edited by
                              #146

                              God said unto John, “Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life.”

                              But John came in fifth and won a toaster.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
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                                Larry
                                wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 17:57 last edited by
                                #147

                                So... times are A little hard right now so I will be selling nude photos of myself to make some extra money.

                                5 dollars each if you want one.

                                25 dollars if you don't...

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Offline
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                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 18:38 last edited by
                                  #148

                                  What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

                                  I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  K 1 Reply Last reply 24 Sept 2020, 19:41
                                  • J jon-nyc
                                    24 Sept 2020, 18:38

                                    What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

                                    I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

                                    K Offline
                                    K Offline
                                    Klaus
                                    wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 19:41 last edited by
                                    #149

                                    @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                    What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

                                    I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

                                    Does this website look familiar to you?

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • J Offline
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                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 20:30 last edited by
                                      #150

                                      Ha. No.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • K Offline
                                        K Offline
                                        Klaus
                                        wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 20:31 last edited by
                                        #151

                                        Well, both of the jokes you posted today are from the top three jokes on this site.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • D Offline
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                                          Doctor Phibes
                                          wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 20:46 last edited by
                                          #152

                                          What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?

                                          I was only joking

                                          L 1 Reply Last reply 26 Sept 2020, 22:25
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