So....
-
wrote on 4 Sept 2020, 15:27 last edited by
I've had a really strange day today..
First, I found a hat full of money.
Then I got chased by some guy with a guitar..
-
wrote on 5 Sept 2020, 10:55 last edited by
They laughed at my pencil drawings.
So I laughed at their chalk outlines...
-
wrote on 7 Sept 2020, 11:09 last edited by jon-nyc 9 Jul 2020, 11:09
“That’s what.”
-she -
wrote on 8 Sept 2020, 19:33 last edited by
I googled "who gives a shit".
My name wasn't in the search results.
-
wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 15:36 last edited by
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said: “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 190 pounds, is soft-spoken and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor protested: “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied: “Yes, but who wants HIM back?” -
wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 18:05 last edited by
So...my doctor says I have Irish constipation...
I can't pass a bar..
-
wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 18:06 last edited by
My wife said "I don't like your constipation jokes"..
I told her I didn't give a shit..
-
wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 18:09 last edited by
So.. I went to a feminist rally the other day.
Came back with my shirt ironed, carrying a sammich.
-
wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 18:20 last edited by
Stress is when you have a house payment, a boat payment, a wife, and a girlfriend...... and all 4 of them are late....
-
wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 19:02 last edited by
"I went to a petting zoo the other day."
That was an elementary school, Joe...."
-
wrote on 10 Sept 2020, 19:05 last edited by
"Momma always said, 'life is like a box of... you know... the thing......' "
Forrest Biden
-
wrote on 14 Sept 2020, 16:12 last edited by
I just watched Jaws backwards.
It’s a heartwarming story about a shark who gives limbs to the disabled.
-
wrote on 15 Sept 2020, 20:35 last edited by
So.... I'm going to open a flower shop. I'm going to call it....
Florist Gump...
-
wrote on 15 Sept 2020, 20:35 last edited by
Then a bakery...
Bread Pitt
-
wrote on 16 Sept 2020, 20:01 last edited by
No, you haven't gained that much weight during quarantine. Come on - chin up!
..... No, the other one....
-
wrote on 16 Sept 2020, 20:17 last edited by
-
wrote on 18 Sept 2020, 13:39 last edited by
A guy is having a check up at the doctor's.
"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it" says the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"
"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"
"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"
-
wrote on 18 Sept 2020, 23:05 last edited by
I finally asked this girl I’m dating how she liked sex.
She said “I like it infrequently”.
So I said, “Is that one word or two?”
-
wrote on 18 Sept 2020, 23:45 last edited by
So... Joe Biden is like a web browser with 19 tabs open..
17 are frozen and he doesn't know where the music is coming from.....
