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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nycJ Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
    #1055

    Picked up a girl at the pub last night and took her home. In the morning she said, “You know, you are by far the biggest I’ve ever had.”

    Apparently, “Ditto” is NOT the answer she wanted to hear.

    Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Online
      jon-nycJ Online
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #1056

      There is a lot of Oscar buzz about Jessie Buckley but it must have been weirdly tempting to cast Anne Hathaway in the lead role of Hamnet.

      Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #1057

        Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

        Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

        1 Reply Last reply
        😀
        • jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nycJ Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by
          #1058

          I once heard a woman use the word ‘mansplaining’ incorrectly and there was literally nothing I could do about it.

          Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #1059

            Why is it always “are you autistic” and never “thanks for sharing your cool tornado facts with me even though I didn’t ask”?

            Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Online
              jon-nycJ Online
              jon-nyc
              wrote on last edited by
              #1060

              Roman numeral puns are great and I for one will continue to make them.

              Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

              taiwan_girlT 1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                Roman numeral puns are great and I for one will continue to make them.

                taiwan_girlT Offline
                taiwan_girlT Offline
                taiwan_girl
                wrote on last edited by
                #1061

                @jon-nyc took me a while, but I did finally get it. 555

                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #1062

                  I’m at the airport and a woman fainted at baggage claim and fell onto the carousel.

                  But she’s slowly coming around now.

                  Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nycJ Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #1063

                    After a fair bit of drinking I decided to take a bus home. It probably sounds like it’s not a big deal but I’ve never actually driven a bus before.

                    Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ Online
                      jon-nycJ Online
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #1064

                      Trojan is a terrible name for a condom.

                      It’s basically named after something that penetrated the stronghold, broke open, thousands of little guys poured out, and ruined everyone’s lives.

                      Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nycJ Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #1065

                        If I win the lottery I’m giving a bunch of money to charity.

                        Unless she’s not dancing that night in which case I’ll give it to Destiny.

                        Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nycJ Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #1066

                          Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

                          Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • MikM Offline
                            MikM Offline
                            Mik
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #1067

                            You have a great team inside behind you.

                            "You cannot subsidize irresponsibility and expect people to become more responsible." — Thomas Sowell

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • Andrea BA Offline
                              Andrea BA Offline
                              Andrea B
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #1068

                              The Mexican Maid asked for a pay rise. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want more pay?”

                              Maria: “Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increase. The first eez that I iron better than you.” Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”

                              Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.” Wife: “Oh yeah?” Maria: “The second reason eez that I am better cook than you.”

                              Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?” Maria: “Jor hozban deed.”

                              Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?” Maria: “The third reason is that I a’m a better at make love than you in the bed.”

                              Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”

                              Maria: “No Senora, the gardener.

                              I love you long time.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Online
                                jon-nycJ Online
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #1069

                                Hahahajahaha

                                Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nycJ Online
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #1070

                                  Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 28th time.

                                  Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ Online
                                    jon-nycJ Online
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #1071

                                    40 years ago today, l asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend and the most gorgeous woman l know to marry me.

                                    All three said no.

                                    Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nycJ Online
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #1072

                                      So there’s this common misconception that autistic people take everything literally.

                                      I’m autistic, so I can tell you… that’s just not true.

                                      The people who actually take things literally are kleptomaniacs.

                                      I just have autism.

                                      Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nycJ Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #1073

                                        I only believe in 12.5% of gods.

                                        I’m an eighthiest.

                                        Lo, no accord shall bloom 'twixt us and that realm, save they do kneel in token of their utter, soul-deep shame! No parley shall we hold, no treaty sign, until their will is broken, and their strength doth lie as dust before our might. -DJT, 3/6/26

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • A Offline
                                          A Offline
                                          AndyD
                                          wrote last edited by AndyD
                                          #1074

                                          https://www.facebook.com/share/v/18ygBZeJyd/
                                          'Wine in a Can'
                                          A short poem that gets increasingly funny (not that you'd recite it at a Christmas party😄)

                                          Doctor PhibesD 1 Reply Last reply
                                          😊

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