Learning from mistakes
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Today was the (roughly weekly) "clean up your room" day for our kids.
Son #2 has for years procrastinated for many hours or a full day over this task. But today he was done - with a perfect result - after 20 minutes. He told me that he grew sick of wasting hour after hour and feeling miserable when procrastinating.
Superficially, this certainly isn't particularly remarkable, but I was thinking that one of the biggest sins of our (parent) generation is to not let kids make mistakes and learn from them. We interfere with their actions much too quickly. We are way too worried that they'll get hurt, or frustrated, or sad.
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Another example, also from today: My kids visited the public outdoor swimming pool today, without any parent present. But almost none of their friends are allowed to go there without a parent. They asked one of their favorite neighbor kids (who is in the same age group) whether he'd join - he wasn't allowed to and spent his whole day on the cell phone instead.
The kids today are the way they are - fragile, clumsy, cowardly, cell-phone-addicted - because we, the parents, make them.
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Yeah, with adult kids we have had a number of interesting conversations on this topic and the literature as well says you need to let your kids fail to learn.
One related conversation was we heard all these stories about you guys doing whatever you wanted, no seatbelts, no device to contact us when we were out, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes blah blah blah- so tell me again how you got the idea to track our every move and make us do all the stuff you were unwilling to do yourself at our age???
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Yep. Failure is a remarkable teacher. MFR and I were often at odds over these things where The Princess would forget something she needed at school or refuse to wear a coat. I said let her experience the consequences. If she was cold she would then know why she should wear a coat or why she needed to double check in the morning to make sure she had everything she needed.
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Yeah, with adult kids we have had a number of interesting conversations on this topic and the literature as well says you need to let your kids fail to learn.
One related conversation was we heard all these stories about you guys doing whatever you wanted, no seatbelts, no device to contact us when we were out, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes blah blah blah- so tell me again how you got the idea to track our every move and make us do all the stuff you were unwilling to do yourself at our age???
@loki said in Learning from mistakes:
Yeah, with adult kids we have had a number of interesting conversations on this topic and the literature as well says you need to let your kids fail to learn.
One related conversation was we heard all these stories about you guys doing whatever you wanted, no seatbelts, no device to contact us when we were out, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes blah blah blah- so tell me again how you got the idea to track our every move and make us do all the stuff you were unwilling to do yourself at our age???
Those comparisons are stupid. There was just less emphasis on safety. That's all. Had these things been there we would have used them.
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@loki said in Learning from mistakes:
Yeah, with adult kids we have had a number of interesting conversations on this topic and the literature as well says you need to let your kids fail to learn.
One related conversation was we heard all these stories about you guys doing whatever you wanted, no seatbelts, no device to contact us when we were out, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes blah blah blah- so tell me again how you got the idea to track our every move and make us do all the stuff you were unwilling to do yourself at our age???
Those comparisons are stupid. There was just less emphasis on safety. That's all. Had these things been there we would have used them.
@mik said in Learning from mistakes:
@loki said in Learning from mistakes:
Yeah, with adult kids we have had a number of interesting conversations on this topic and the literature as well says you need to let your kids fail to learn.
One related conversation was we heard all these stories about you guys doing whatever you wanted, no seatbelts, no device to contact us when we were out, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes blah blah blah- so tell me again how you got the idea to track our every move and make us do all the stuff you were unwilling to do yourself at our age???
Those comparisons are stupid. There was just less emphasis on safety. That's all. Had these things been there we would have used them.
It’s a good point but my parents never tried to manage me the way I see kids managed these days and I certainly did not have my mom as a free Uber driver.
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A Monty Python sketch is only ever a heartbeat away...
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What a great thread. I have naught to contribute beyond what's been said other than to caution - even when they're in their 30s they continue to make mistakes, serious ones.
The only redemption is when they say "I can't believe I did that. If it ever happens again, kill me."
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Good original posts, @Klaus - I hope to keep this in mind as I raise my 2 kids. Somewhat related, the other day my wife was floored I would go out for a run without my phone. I told her, "What did you think people did 10 or 15 years ago?". She said what if I get hurt or whatever, I repeated my reply....... It's almost like folks forgot what it's like to live without a cell phone.
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My parents never coddled.
When I was 6, my dad gave me a knife. It was a keychain size knife. So, I went out to mess around, and came back into the house bleeding and (probably) crying.
Got a band-aid, and went back outside.
So, for some reason, I climbed into the back seat area of the new 56 Chevy Nomad, green and white, and cut up all the seats.They took my knife away. I couldn't sit for days.
Like, no one has ever had cut up seats or something.
Geeze, how overprotective. -
I was eight when I got my first shotgun (Remington 1100, .410 gauge). I wasn't allowed to hunt by myself until I was twelve. By that time, I'd swapped my uncle the shotgun for a new .22 rifle. Same one my grandpa shot himself with (but that's another story).
I did get to take off by myself and go fishing. I've left my grandma's house many times with a cane pole, a pocketknife, a Prince Albert can of worms and an extra hook. A left-over biscuit with a piece of sausage or bacon completed my day's accoutrements. I'd get back at dark, earlier if the fish weren't biting. I had just finished up third grade.
“Cry havoc and let slip the DOGE of war!”
Those who cheered as J-6 American prisoners were locked in solitary for 18 months without trial, now suddenly fight tooth and nail for foreign terrorists’ "due process". — Buck Sexton
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I was eight when I got my first shotgun (Remington 1100, .410 gauge). I wasn't allowed to hunt by myself until I was twelve. By that time, I'd swapped my uncle the shotgun for a new .22 rifle. Same one my grandpa shot himself with (but that's another story).
I did get to take off by myself and go fishing. I've left my grandma's house many times with a cane pole, a pocketknife, a Prince Albert can of worms and an extra hook. A left-over biscuit with a piece of sausage or bacon completed my day's accoutrements. I'd get back at dark, earlier if the fish weren't biting. I had just finished up third grade.
@jolly said in Learning from mistakes:
I was eight when I got my first shotgun (Remington 1100, .410 gauge). I wasn't allowed to hunt by myself until I was twelve. By that time, I'd swapped my uncle the shotgun for a new .22 rifle. Same one my grandpa shot himself with (but that's another story).
I did get to take off by myself and go fishing. I've left my grandma's house many times with a cane pole, a pocketknife, a Prince Albert can of worms and an extra hook. A left-over biscuit with a piece of sausage or bacon completed my day's accoutrements. I'd get back at dark, earlier if the fish weren't biting. I had just finished up third grade.
Mine was similar except we could only shoot with dad, which was rarely and with his guns. Fishing was regular and unaccompanied. Archery was unaccompanied but we had a stack of hay bales behind the target. We fought with fists and rocks and sticks and rode our bikes all over creation.
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@mik said in Learning from mistakes:
@loki said in Learning from mistakes:
Yeah, with adult kids we have had a number of interesting conversations on this topic and the literature as well says you need to let your kids fail to learn.
One related conversation was we heard all these stories about you guys doing whatever you wanted, no seatbelts, no device to contact us when we were out, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes blah blah blah- so tell me again how you got the idea to track our every move and make us do all the stuff you were unwilling to do yourself at our age???
Those comparisons are stupid. There was just less emphasis on safety. That's all. Had these things been there we would have used them.
It’s a good point but my parents never tried to manage me the way I see kids managed these days and I certainly did not have my mom as a free Uber driver.
@loki said in Learning from mistakes:
@mik said in Learning from mistakes:
@loki said in Learning from mistakes:
Yeah, with adult kids we have had a number of interesting conversations on this topic and the literature as well says you need to let your kids fail to learn.
One related conversation was we heard all these stories about you guys doing whatever you wanted, no seatbelts, no device to contact us when we were out, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes blah blah blah- so tell me again how you got the idea to track our every move and make us do all the stuff you were unwilling to do yourself at our age???
Those comparisons are stupid. There was just less emphasis on safety. That's all. Had these things been there we would have used them.
It’s a good point but my parents never tried to manage me the way I see kids managed these days and I certainly did not have my mom as a free Uber driver.
You are right about that.
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Come to think of it, the Nomad was a few years old, so it's not like I cut up the interior of a new car or anything.
And like Mik, Jolly, and probably other forumites, what began as a dirt clod war turned into a rock fight. That was dangerous, but I don't recall anyone getting hurt. It's a great way to learn how to duck.
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I was eight when I got my first shotgun (Remington 1100, .410 gauge). I wasn't allowed to hunt by myself until I was twelve. By that time, I'd swapped my uncle the shotgun for a new .22 rifle. Same one my grandpa shot himself with (but that's another story).
I did get to take off by myself and go fishing. I've left my grandma's house many times with a cane pole, a pocketknife, a Prince Albert can of worms and an extra hook. A left-over biscuit with a piece of sausage or bacon completed my day's accoutrements. I'd get back at dark, earlier if the fish weren't biting. I had just finished up third grade.
@jolly said in Learning from mistakes:
a Prince Albert can of worms
Not knowing that “Prince Albert can” is a thing and only knowing the piercing, I thought you’d describe a can with worms that have already been attached to hooks
That said, that would be a rather silly way to go about fishing. -
Come to think of it, the Nomad was a few years old, so it's not like I cut up the interior of a new car or anything.
And like Mik, Jolly, and probably other forumites, what began as a dirt clod war turned into a rock fight. That was dangerous, but I don't recall anyone getting hurt. It's a great way to learn how to duck.
@rainman said in Learning from mistakes:
Come to think of it, the Nomad was a few years old, so it's not like I cut up the interior of a new car or anything.
And like Mik, Jolly, and probably other forumites, what began as a dirt clod war turned into a rock fight. That was dangerous, but I don't recall anyone getting hurt. It's a great way to learn how to duck.
Or not.
Lost half of a front tooth that way...
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@jolly said in Learning from mistakes:
a Prince Albert can of worms
Not knowing that “Prince Albert can” is a thing and only knowing the piercing, I thought you’d describe a can with worms that have already been attached to hooks
That said, that would be a rather silly way to go about fishing.@klaus said in Learning from mistakes:
@jolly said in Learning from mistakes:
a Prince Albert can of worms
Not knowing that “Prince Albert can” is a thing and only knowing the piercing, I thought you’d describe a can with worms that have already been attached to hooks
That said, that would be a rather silly way to go about fishing.That's a Prince Albert can. Fits in a shirt or jeans pocket. Dig up your nightcrawlers, put some leaf mold in there with them to keep them happy and you have fishing worms for the morning. It'll hold enough smaller red worms for most of the day, unless the fish are really biting.
Two old black women fishing with cane poles:
They're fishing for bream, probably bluegill or chinquapin.
And I'll give you some inside baseball...When you see folks not sitting on buckets and starting to sit on the ground, it's warm enough to plant cotton.
