The moment you knew you picked the wrong partner
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https://cavemancircus.com/2025/01/15/married-the-wrong-person/
20 People Reveal the Moment They Realize They Married the Wrong Person?
- “On our honeymoon I got sun stroke and he said, Thanks for ruining my fucking vacation.”
- “When I had been on mandatory bedrest and caring for our infant son, after having emergency surgery for nearly bleeding to death after a miscarriage, and he came home from work and looked me dead in the face and said ‘why aren’t the fucking dishes done?'”
- “When my best friend died suddenly at a young age leaving 3 children behind and my now ex wife didn’t want to be around me because I was very depressed.She suggested polyamory as a way to save our marriage. Yeah I was out. “
- “When I put away the groceries in the kitchen and I thought ‘Well, it may be convenient to put a box of tissues in the kitchen cabinet, in case I’m here when I’m crying.'”
- “A woman I was dating told me she divorced her husband because after his father died in his arms he was very depressed and she didn’t want to be around depressed people.”
- “When our marriage counselor recommended that my ex punch pillows or tear paper, instead of picking stupid fights with me when he was feeling anxious/angry/discontent. She looked me dead in the eyes and said ‘it’s what I recommend for children who have trouble controlling themselves.'”
- “When I was headed out the door to go to work and she asked if I could put gas in her car and I said I’m sorry I’m running late and I’ll do it when it get home from work. She responded by throwing piping hot coffee on my back and giving me some pretty bad coffee burn on my neck and shoulders.”
- “We had been married for 8 years when my ex-husband, in a drunken moment of painful honesty, decided to tell me he only married me for my considerable inheritance.”
- “On my wedding day, when my Grandad and Uncle told me that I didn’t have to marry my ex-husband and they’d drive me home. And, to not worry about being embarrassed or the money. They’d explain everything to the guests and I wouldn’t have to do anything.”
- “When he kicked me in the back while holding our 6 month old because I didn’t make him food because I was getting ready for work and feeding the baby.”
- “When my Mom died and he said ‘That’s too bad’.”
- “Engaged not quite married yet. When I had been on mandatory bedrest and caring for our infant son, after having emergency surgery for nearly bleeding to death after a miscarriage, and he came home from work and looked me dead in the face and said ‘why aren’t the fucking dishes done?'”
- “When I realized he hated his mom so much that he was punishing every girl he’d been with to get back at his mom. He was happy when he was hurting his past partners (including me) by cheating, using prositutes, playing mind games etc. Actually, I think he just hated women in general.”
- “When she sat me down and with a straight face said ‘I’ve thought about this and you’re not going to exercise anymore.’ I was jogging a few miles a day and would usually bring kids with in running stroller. She said you’re a father and it’s too time consuming. That’s when I realized I made a terrible mistake lol.”
- “When she stayed out every day from 7am until midnight”
- “First dance at the wedding, zero chemistry or emotions, it was a nightmare I’ll never forget.”
- "On the flight home from the honeymoon. Missed our flight because she had to argue about everything. Got upgraded to first class.. the wine was truth serum."
- “When I found out he had been living a full double life and was in a secret satanic cult, had a long term mistress and was using prostitutes.”
- My brother had a very bad accident which ended up killing him. He lived about 14hrs away from me. I didn’t make it in time after receiving the call. The day after he died my ex called me and gave me shit for not running the errands I said I was going to do the day that my brothers accident happened. Specifically, I didn’t buy kitty litter and it is very heavy for her to carry. She didn’t even ask how I was doing or show any empathy whatsoever. That’s when I knew
- “When I suffered my 5th miscarriage at 20 weeks and 3 days, and he said he felt nothing. I drove myself to the hospital the next day and gave birth to a stillborn alone. He went to work.”
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I was thinking about this the other day, advice I'd give my kids if needed, when picking a partner. Of course in addition to being attracted to them and in love.
Off the top of my head, there are some things that will lead to a happy marriage:
- Trust. You just gotta know they will not lie to you or cheat behind your back. Absolute trust.
- Patience. Marriage (and kids) will require large volumes of patience, do they have it?
- Hobbies. Are there things you like doing together, especially as you get older? (traveling, golf, movies, whatever)
- Laughter. Do you laugh at mostly the same things? Laughter in a relationship is underrated, IMO.
- Ability to be apart. Can they (or you) be content doing stuff on your own? That is healthy, IMO.
- The 80/20 rule. I heard this one time and it was great. People say marriage is 50/50, compromise. Nope. You should try to give 80%, and your partner should try to give 80%. In other words... if a kid is sick and needs to be held all night, both partners should try to let the other one rest by volunteering. Or if there are two plates of food but one doesn't look as good, you should try to take it, as should they.
Also, the ability to communicate, especially in arguments. I know I'm young(er) but those are some of the things I've learned, for better or worse, after being married.
Oh I guess one more, that feminists won't like to hear. Of course women can work and men can stay at home, but I have seen FAR too many wives/moms face the (sometimes unavoidable) internal conflict of feeling resentment by giving up a career to be a mom, or the need to juggle both and therefore feel like a failure at both. Life is really expensive, but if there is any way to be on the same page BEFORE kids come around, about what career/income looks like once kids come around, that will help. Of course it varies based on where you live and situations, but my wife and I were on the same page that once we had a 2nd kid, she would stay at home until at least all the kids are in 1st grade or above, then she wants to get a job that aligns with school hours, even if the pay isn't what it was back when she worked (in Virginia) for her career.
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@Mik said in The moment you knew you picked the wrong partner:
That 4th one is so underrated.
True.
There’s a common theme with many of the moments above. It’s hard for a young person to predict, but I’d be asking myself if my would be spouse has the capacity to cope emotionally, to empathize, pitch in to help. Things do go south in most every marriage .., like illness, deaths, depression.
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@89th Ive seen many men experience that same internal conflict as stay at home dads.
What’s really sad is the situation where religion or cultural mores dictate the woman, no matter her career or education, stay home. I know a RN who earned a good salary, who now sits in a 800 sq ft rental condo, with no vehicle, no (female) family, no friends, tending to an 18 month old (boy child) and a 5 yr old (girl child). Her husband works a $/hr job doing rural insurance appraisals. His degree was in Islamic Studies. She tells me they’ll never afford a house because she can never work.
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@blondie said in The moment you knew you picked the wrong partner:
@89th Ive seen many men experience that same internal conflict as stay at home dads.
What’s really sad is the situation where religion or cultural mores dictate the woman, no matter her career or education, stay home. I know a RN who earned a good salary, who now sits in a 800 sq ft rental condo, with no vehicle, no (female) family, no friends, tending to an 18 month old (boy child) and a 5 yr old (girl child). Her husband works a $/hr job doing rural insurance appraisals. His degree was in Islamic Studies. She tells me they’ll never afford a house because she can never work.
Ah yes good points.
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@Axtremus said in The moment you knew you picked the wrong partner:
Pppffft ... you know that list is hopelessly biased when you don't see "when I found out s/he voted for Trump" on the list.
Actually, a more accurate representation might be "When I found out that s/he 'unfriended' someone because of the way that person voted."
