Pets For Dinner
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https://babylonbee.com/cleanArticle/bluey-reported-missing-after-haitian-migrants-move-in-next-door
BRISBANE, AUS — A local seven-year-old identified as Bluey Heeler has gone missing. She was last seen pretending to be a Granny named Janet in front of a house full of Haitian immigrants, say authorities.
The local community has reportedly pointed the finger at the Haitian neighbors because they just moved in next door to the Heeler family and Bluey went missing the very next day. Police have called on the public to remain calm and suggested that it's racist to assume Haitians are responsible just because they are Haitians.
"They eat dogs! I've seen it!" said Dorren, a local Great Pyrenees, and friend family friend to the Heelers. "You should check their bins! They probably ate her and threw the bones away!"
Meanwhile, Bluey's father Bandit held a televised press conference in which he addressed the alleged kidnappers: "I don't know who you are or what you want," he said. "If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you."
He continued, "If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
Bluey's mother Chili is reportedly out searching the woods every night, looking for any sign of her daughter. "She might just be playing magical statues out there — waiting for someone to come find her..." she said, hopeful.
Anyone with information about her whereabouts is encouraged to contact the Brisbane Police Department.
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Is there any evidence that it actually happened? Haiti is not known for consumption of cats.
Only non-witches get due process.
- Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
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Is there any evidence that it actually happened? Haiti is not known for consumption of cats.
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Springfield police say they have had no reports of pet swipes.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill
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Is there any evidence that it actually happened? Haiti is not known for consumption of cats.
@jon-nyc said in Pets For Dinner:
Is there any evidence that it actually happened? Haiti is not known for consumption of cats.
Just the one witness. The duck/geese thing is pretty well documented.
The anger by the residents that’s driving this? Absolutely real.
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@Mik said in Pets For Dinner:
Springfield police say they have had no reports of pet swipes.
Meh, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
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@jon-nyc said in Pets For Dinner:
Local employers say the Haitians are a big uptick from the locals.
So the counter is Haitians are better than regular Ohioans/Americans? Let me know how well that works at the polls.
The Brad
