Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?
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My top principles are:
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Make sure my kid had something to lose if our relationship soured. That usually takes the form of some pursuit they love and your wholehearted emotional and financial support of it.
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Keep that kid busy with positive activities As is said, idle hands are the devil's playground. I know this from my free-range youth, which was great up until I started hanging around in town rather than out in the country subdivision where we lived. That's when you have to start really watching them.
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My top principles are:
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Make sure my kid had something to lose if our relationship soured. That usually takes the form of some pursuit they love and your wholehearted emotional and financial support of it.
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Keep that kid busy with positive activities As is said, idle hands are the devil's playground. I know this from my free-range youth, which was great up until I started hanging around in town rather than out in the country subdivision where we lived. That's when you have to start really watching them.
@Mik said in Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?:
My top principles are:
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Make sure my kid had something to lose if our relationship soured. That usually takes the form of some pursuit they love and your wholehearted emotional and financial support of it.
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Keep that kid busy with positive activities As is said, idle hands are the devil's playground. I know this from my free-range youth, which was great up until I started hanging around in town rather than out in the country subdivision where we lived. That's when you have to start really watching them.
Good, practical, effective.
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Of course, I can claim she turned out well and I was a great father, but the truth is she was more like her mother than I in those ways. She HATES to be in trouble. For me, it was just the cost of doing business. If you are breaking every possible rule all day every day, you're going to get nailed for some small percentage of transgressions. It never affected me emotionally at all. I was terrified she'd be more like me.
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Of course, I can claim she turned out well and I was a great father, but the truth is she was more like her mother than I in those ways. She HATES to be in trouble. For me, it was just the cost of doing business. If you are breaking every possible rule all day every day, you're going to get nailed for some small percentage of transgressions. It never affected me emotionally at all. I was terrified she'd be more like me.
@Mik said in Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?:
Of course, I can claim she turned out well and I was a great father, but the truth is she was more like her mother than I in those ways. She HATES to be in trouble. For me, it was just the cost of doing business. If you are breaking every possible rule all day every day, you're going to get nailed for some small percentage of transgressions. It never affected me emotionally at all. I was terrified she'd be more like me.
Shit, for me, getting in trouble was half the point sometimes. The ideal I constantly chased was to get caught doing the dumb shit in which the entire point of it was to get caught, and then get away entirely with the heavy stuff.
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@Renauda said in Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?:
I have never been one to subscribe to the notion that little Johnny turned out bad because his father beat him up or his mother berated him as a kid.
I do. But I don't think it's direct like that.
Kids can go off course. But what rights the ship is going to be different for every kid. So when little Johnny turns out bad, it's not necessarily because his dad beat him up (although that does complicate things). It could be because his folks didn't have the emotional intelligence necessary to know the right ropes to pull or fasten to help right the ship. Sure, there's nothing you can do with a kid who doesn't want to be helped, sociopathy exists, etc. But knowing the right approach or being willing to learn can greatly improve the odds.
@Aqua-Letifer said in Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?:
I do.
Yes, of course.
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@Aqua-Letifer said in Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?:
I do.
Yes, of course.
@Copper said in Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?:
@Aqua-Letifer said in Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?:
I do.
Yes, of course.
Care to elaborate?
Please love yourself.
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Yes, there is verbal abuse, and it can manifest itself in lifelong ways. Trying to establish a hierarchy of which form of abuse is worst is a fool's errand. They're all bad and to be avoided.
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@Copper said in Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?:
@Aqua-Letifer said in Is shouting at children as harmful as sexual or physical abuse?:
I do.
Yes, of course.
Care to elaborate?
I do not reject the notion that little Johnny turned out bad because his father beat him up or his mother berated him as a kid.
Other reasons also exist.
