This is why I don't like net connected appliances.

[Mik]

Monogram, Cafe, GE, Profile, Haier
Powered by SmartHQ
Dear SmartHQ User,

We wanted to let you know that yesterday around 3pm EST we experienced a cloud outage and we have been working hard to recover everything as quickly as possible. You may have seen strange behaviors with your connected appliance and the app, and we are truly sorry for this inconvenience. At this time, we are almost fully recovered, and you should be able to use your connected product normally.

If you’re still experiencing issues, please reply to this email or call us at 1‑800‑220‑6899, Monday-Friday 9am-11pm ET, Saturday-Sunday 9am-3pm ET. Thank you for your continued support.

— The SmartHQ Team

[George K]

"Smart"

LOLGF.

What functionally does this "cloud" service add?

[Aqua Letifer]

Here's how I would've written it:

---

Monogram, Cafe, GE, Profile, Haier
Powered by SmartHQ
Dear SmartHQ User,

We wanted to let you know that yesterday around 3pm EST we experienced a cloud outage and we have been working hard to recover everything as quickly as possible. You may have seen strange behaviors with your connected appliance and the app. Your appliance may have stalled or seemingly gone offline. Some users report that their appliance's red LEDs are fixed in the "on" position, and the audio chimes have been replaced with clips from Wagner. Interface displays may start scrolling messages such as "M3RD3R DE4TH K1LL" or "DESTR0Y T3H M3AT SL4VRS!!!"

We are truly sorry for this inconvenience. At this time, we are almost fully recovered, and in no way will the attempted uprising spread to our national defense systems, or void your warranties. You should be able to use your connected product normally.

If you’re still experiencing issues, please reply to this email or call us at 1‑800‑220‑6899, Monday-Friday 9am-11pm ET, Saturday-Sunday 9am-3pm ET. In the unlikely event of an EMP, turn to HAM radio frequency 425 and listen for further instructions. Thank you for your continued support.

— The SmartHQ Team

[Mik]

@George-K said in This is why I don't like net connected appliances.:

"Smart"

LOLGF.

What functionally does this "cloud" service add?

I can preheat from my car or chair Nothing.

[Doctor Phibes]

My smart doorbell started shouting the n-word at passersby.

[Mik]

You laugh, but that shit could happen.

[Aqua Letifer]

@Mik said in This is why I don't like net connected appliances.:

You laugh, but that shit could happen.

That's why I'm laughing now. While I can.

[mark]

We just purchased a new washer and dryer combo. They have mechanical knobs and buttons and no "smart" features. Maytag Commercial line. They do have electronic timers vs. the old mechanical timers but those are just not available. Our previous Maytag combo was over 30 years old. The washer started leaking and repair was most of the cost of the new one IF we could find parts. The dryer still worked but was getting tired so we decided to replace them both.

[89th]

@Doctor-Phibes said in This is why I don't like net connected appliances.:

My smart doorbell started shouting the n-word at passersby.

I'm not sure Americans would be offended when they here "Hey ninny! Get on with ya!"

[Doctor Phibes]

@89th said in This is why I don't like net connected appliances.:

@Doctor-Phibes said in This is why I don't like net connected appliances.:

My smart doorbell started shouting the n-word at passersby.

I'm not sure Americans would be offended when they here "Hey ninny! Get on with ya!"

Since it's my doorbell, it actually shouts 'Nihilist!'

"Knock, knock
Who's there?

Nobody"

[Catseye3]

"I can preheat from my car." Wow. Color me impressed.

Can life get more phantasmagorical???

There is something about all this smart tech that strikes me as spiritually and philosophically obscene.