Watching two kids wither

[LuFins Dad]

I couldn’t imagine.

[brenda]

This is a true tragedy for the entire family. It's absolutely heartbreaking.

How is the rest of the family managing? (Dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles) That will also have an impact on the kids. Yes, honesty is probably the best, but it needs to be age-appropriate information, and that's the hard part. I don't have any good answers.

Are the kids allowed to go see her?

They may be able to have a very small service for the immediate family, but that might be the most that's possible right now.

[Klaus]

@brenda said in Watching two kids wither:

Are the kids allowed to go see her?

Yes, that's the question. Formally, hospital visits are not allowed at this time. Maybe they make an exception for this. I hope they do.

[Jolly]

@Klaus said in Watching two kids wither:

I really wonder what the best way (as a parent) is to tell (or not) a child that a parent will die. Is it best to lie? Say the truth? Something in between?

The Truth. Explain as much as possible, but the Truth is best, IMO.

[Klaus]

I'm not quite sure. I guess I wouldn't tell them the full truth right away, when death is still a year or more away. Then it would be constantly on their mind. I wouldn't lie, but I'd maybe try to keep it a little vague for a while. Even many adults don't want to know this.

[mark]

Yes, if projected lifespan is more than a few months, then I would temper it somewhat.

[Friday]

She is to remain in the hospital with a life expectancy of one year? And (due to the pandemic) her children will not ever see her again? Here in California, she would be sent home under hospice care.

Every child is different, but the truth is always the best. Age appropriate, in language they understand, gently.

It may take time for them to grasp what is happening, so they may need to hear it more than once to process.

[Klaus]

@Friday said in Watching two kids wither:

She is to remain in the hospital with a life expectancy of one year

No, I assume she’ll die within days or weeks now.

[mark]

The the truth is best. My nephew's had to deal with the death of their mother at that age and less. They were and are fine.

[Rich]

Wow, that's sad.

"Mommy's sickness has gotten too far, and there's a good chance she won't be with us much longer. So we're going to do our best to make the time we do have left together extra special.."

Type out your own version of that, while picturing telling your children that...Helps to understand why they've held out hope until the last moment, though I wonder if they've let them know at this point.

[jon-nyc]

I've given the 'what to tell your kid' issue a lot of thought. He knew that if I didn't get a transplant I wouldn't live very long, but I always told him I was confident that I would get transplanted.

I have so far not told him what post-transplant prognosis is like. But he knows that infections are very dangerous to me.

[brenda]

@Rich said in Watching two kids wither:

Wow, that's sad.

"Mommy's sickness has gotten too far, and there's a good chance she won't be with us much longer. So we're going to do our best to make the we do have left together extra special.."

Type out your own version of that, while picturing your children that...Helps to understand why they've held out home until the last moment, though I wonder if they've let them know at this point.

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