Watching two kids wither
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Follow-up on this thread:
https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/the_new_coffee_room/watching-two-kids-wither-t116757.html
Today I got word that the mother I described in that thread is now in the hospital. She can't move anything below the arms anymore because a tumor caused paraplegia. She now has metastases everywhere, including brain. Chemotherapy, radiation therapy all had basically no effect. All cancer treatment has now been stopped and she was put on "best supportive care".
Just three weeks ago her 8yo daughter visited us and spend the night with our daughter. She told us about how her mother was feeling ill because "she took medication that would make the cancer go away quickly".
I don't think she'll leave the hospital alive. And they won't even be able to invite people to the funeral due to the Corona situation.
Damn.
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I couldn’t imagine.
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This is a true tragedy for the entire family. It's absolutely heartbreaking.
How is the rest of the family managing? (Dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles) That will also have an impact on the kids. Yes, honesty is probably the best, but it needs to be age-appropriate information, and that's the hard part. I don't have any good answers.
Are the kids allowed to go see her?
They may be able to have a very small service for the immediate family, but that might be the most that's possible right now.
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This is a true tragedy for the entire family. It's absolutely heartbreaking.
How is the rest of the family managing? (Dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles) That will also have an impact on the kids. Yes, honesty is probably the best, but it needs to be age-appropriate information, and that's the hard part. I don't have any good answers.
Are the kids allowed to go see her?
They may be able to have a very small service for the immediate family, but that might be the most that's possible right now.
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I really wonder what the best way (as a parent) is to tell (or not) a child that a parent will die. Is it best to lie? Say the truth? Something in between?
@Klaus said in Watching two kids wither:
I really wonder what the best way (as a parent) is to tell (or not) a child that a parent will die. Is it best to lie? Say the truth? Something in between?
The Truth. Explain as much as possible, but the Truth is best, IMO.
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I'm not quite sure. I guess I wouldn't tell them the full truth right away, when death is still a year or more away. Then it would be constantly on their mind. I wouldn't lie, but I'd maybe try to keep it a little vague for a while. Even many adults don't want to know this.
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She is to remain in the hospital with a life expectancy of one year? And (due to the pandemic) her children will not ever see her again? Here in California, she would be sent home under hospice care.
Every child is different, but the truth is always the best. Age appropriate, in language they understand, gently.
It may take time for them to grasp what is happening, so they may need to hear it more than once to process.
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She is to remain in the hospital with a life expectancy of one year? And (due to the pandemic) her children will not ever see her again? Here in California, she would be sent home under hospice care.
Every child is different, but the truth is always the best. Age appropriate, in language they understand, gently.
It may take time for them to grasp what is happening, so they may need to hear it more than once to process.
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Wow, that's sad.
"Mommy's sickness has gotten too far, and there's a good chance she won't be with us much longer. So we're going to do our best to make the time we do have left together extra special.."
Type out your own version of that, while picturing telling your children that...Helps to understand why they've held out hope until the last moment, though I wonder if they've let them know at this point.
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I've given the 'what to tell your kid' issue a lot of thought. He knew that if I didn't get a transplant I wouldn't live very long, but I always told him I was confident that I would get transplanted.
I have so far not told him what post-transplant prognosis is like. But he knows that infections are very dangerous to me.
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Wow, that's sad.
"Mommy's sickness has gotten too far, and there's a good chance she won't be with us much longer. So we're going to do our best to make the time we do have left together extra special.."
Type out your own version of that, while picturing telling your children that...Helps to understand why they've held out hope until the last moment, though I wonder if they've let them know at this point.
@Rich said in Watching two kids wither:
Wow, that's sad.
"Mommy's sickness has gotten too far, and there's a good chance she won't be with us much longer. So we're going to do our best to make the we do have left together extra special.."
Type out your own version of that, while picturing your children that...Helps to understand why they've held out home until the last moment, though I wonder if they've let them know at this point.
This
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