Colleague had a miscarriage
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Normally, this isn't worth sharing, and hopefully doesn't trigger anyone since I know miscarriages are far too common and most of us have experienced them directly or indirectly.
I'll try to keep this short, but basically my colleague's wife was 13 weeks pregnant. It was via IVF (as was their first kid), so the embryo had been checked (genetically, chromosomes, etc) as well as when it became a fetus. Last thursday, their ultrasound was fine, checked for abnormalities, all good.
Saturday night, his wife was having lots of contractions, so they went to the ER. Got an ER room, had ultrasound, the baby's heartrate was 150 (perfect), position looked good, etc. So the docs gave some pain meds and they stayed in the room. 5 hours later, the 2nd ultrasound devastated them. No baby heartbeat, position was wrong, unviable pregnancy. 8 hours after that, the contractions stopped, they had a still birth, and were able to hold their child before cremation. They'll have a funeral. They are still in shock, in the depths of grief and mourning. He has reached out to me and is absolutely devastated, obviously, and also in need of answers from the hospital. Why didn't they give medicine to slow contractions? Why didn't they go to Labor & Delivery instead of staying in an ER room? So many why's. I'd imagine he'll consider a legal course at some point, although I have zero insight if that is appropriate.
I haven't cried in a few years I think, but his story really broke me down yesterday as he gave me these updates. All I knew before was that they had an emergency over the weekend, and I presumed it was related to the pregnancy.
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Yeah, if it were me I probably wouldn't have a funeral or pick a name (as they did). My parents had a funeral for my brother who was born and lived for about 2 minutes (they knew this was likely the outcome), that was at 34 weeks (back in 1990). It's hard to know when to have a funeral, and absolutely impossible to give an opinion to a parent who has already decided, of course.
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Normally, this isn't worth sharing, and hopefully doesn't trigger anyone since I know miscarriages are far too common and most of us have experienced them directly or indirectly.
I'll try to keep this short, but basically my colleague's wife was 13 weeks pregnant. It was via IVF (as was their first kid), so the embryo had been checked (genetically, chromosomes, etc) as well as when it became a fetus. Last thursday, their ultrasound was fine, checked for abnormalities, all good.
Saturday night, his wife was having lots of contractions, so they went to the ER. Got an ER room, had ultrasound, the baby's heartrate was 150 (perfect), position looked good, etc. So the docs gave some pain meds and they stayed in the room. 5 hours later, the 2nd ultrasound devastated them. No baby heartbeat, position was wrong, unviable pregnancy. 8 hours after that, the contractions stopped, they had a still birth, and were able to hold their child before cremation. They'll have a funeral. They are still in shock, in the depths of grief and mourning. He has reached out to me and is absolutely devastated, obviously, and also in need of answers from the hospital. Why didn't they give medicine to slow contractions? Why didn't they go to Labor & Delivery instead of staying in an ER room? So many why's. I'd imagine he'll consider a legal course at some point, although I have zero insight if that is appropriate.
I haven't cried in a few years I think, but his story really broke me down yesterday as he gave me these updates. All I knew before was that they had an emergency over the weekend, and I presumed it was related to the pregnancy.
@89th said in Colleague had a miscarriage:
Normally, this isn't worth sharing, and hopefully doesn't trigger anyone since I know miscarriages are far too common and most of us have experienced them directly or indirectly.
I'll try to keep this short, but basically my colleague's wife was 13 weeks pregnant. It was via IVF (as was their first kid), so the embryo had been checked (genetically, chromosomes, etc) as well as when it became a fetus. Last thursday, their ultrasound was fine, checked for abnormalities, all good.
Saturday night, his wife was having lots of contractions, so they went to the ER. Got an ER room, had ultrasound, the baby's heartrate was 150 (perfect), position looked good, etc. So the docs gave some pain meds and they stayed in the room. 5 hours later, the 2nd ultrasound devastated them. No baby heartbeat, position was wrong, unviable pregnancy. 8 hours after that, the contractions stopped, they had a still birth, and were able to hold their child before cremation. They'll have a funeral. They are still in shock, in the depths of grief and mourning. He has reached out to me and is absolutely devastated, obviously, and also in need of answers from the hospital. Why didn't they give medicine to slow contractions? Why didn't they go to Labor & Delivery instead of staying in an ER room? So many why's. I'd imagine he'll consider a legal course at some point, although I have zero insight if that is appropriate.
I haven't cried in a few years I think, but his story really broke me down yesterday as he gave me these updates. All I knew before was that they had an emergency over the weekend, and I presumed it was related to the pregnancy.
I'm no doc, but I'm not sure what they could have done different. Ultrasound was done, fetus was viable. I know you give mag sulfate for preeclampsia, but apparently mom's blood pressure was fine. Maybe they could have used something like Valium, I don't know. But maybe the contractions start back up as soon as the drug starts to wear off.
Prolonged ED stays are the norm down here. Because of staff shortages, we simply don't have the beds we used to. I don't know how useful being in L&D with a fetal monitor would have been...That's not a viable baby. You deliver it and all you can let it do, is die.
Life is joyous, but it can also be a sad and messy process. The wife is dropping by a diaper shower for a young couple this weekend. Both redheads, they have a really precious little seven year-old. We've wondered before why they haven't had another child - they're great parents - and we found out why last week...This shower was done pretty late in her preganancy, because she was scared of losing another baby. We knew she had had one miscarriage. We didn't know she had had three.
So sometimes what is, just is. Some would tell you life is simply a random series of events and there is no rhyme or reason to it. I dunno. If one believes in a higher power, one has to believe their is some interest and intervention. I happen to believe God allows things to happen for a reason. Good and bad things. Why did your friend lose her baby? Why did our friend have three miscarriages? I don't know, but God does. And maybe at some point, we'll know, too.
I pray for peace and understanding for your friends. Their loss is obviously wearing very hard on them. But remember, Jesus said to let the dead bury the dead. There is nothing within their power that changes the finality of death or anything they can do about it. We, the living, can only go forward with our lives, trying with God's help to do the best we can.
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@89th said in Colleague had a miscarriage:
Normally, this isn't worth sharing, and hopefully doesn't trigger anyone since I know miscarriages are far too common and most of us have experienced them directly or indirectly.
I'll try to keep this short, but basically my colleague's wife was 13 weeks pregnant. It was via IVF (as was their first kid), so the embryo had been checked (genetically, chromosomes, etc) as well as when it became a fetus. Last thursday, their ultrasound was fine, checked for abnormalities, all good.
Saturday night, his wife was having lots of contractions, so they went to the ER. Got an ER room, had ultrasound, the baby's heartrate was 150 (perfect), position looked good, etc. So the docs gave some pain meds and they stayed in the room. 5 hours later, the 2nd ultrasound devastated them. No baby heartbeat, position was wrong, unviable pregnancy. 8 hours after that, the contractions stopped, they had a still birth, and were able to hold their child before cremation. They'll have a funeral. They are still in shock, in the depths of grief and mourning. He has reached out to me and is absolutely devastated, obviously, and also in need of answers from the hospital. Why didn't they give medicine to slow contractions? Why didn't they go to Labor & Delivery instead of staying in an ER room? So many why's. I'd imagine he'll consider a legal course at some point, although I have zero insight if that is appropriate.
I haven't cried in a few years I think, but his story really broke me down yesterday as he gave me these updates. All I knew before was that they had an emergency over the weekend, and I presumed it was related to the pregnancy.
I'm no doc, but I'm not sure what they could have done different. Ultrasound was done, fetus was viable. I know you give mag sulfate for preeclampsia, but apparently mom's blood pressure was fine. Maybe they could have used something like Valium, I don't know. But maybe the contractions start back up as soon as the drug starts to wear off.
Prolonged ED stays are the norm down here. Because of staff shortages, we simply don't have the beds we used to. I don't know how useful being in L&D with a fetal monitor would have been...That's not a viable baby. You deliver it and all you can let it do, is die.
Life is joyous, but it can also be a sad and messy process. The wife is dropping by a diaper shower for a young couple this weekend. Both redheads, they have a really precious little seven year-old. We've wondered before why they haven't had another child - they're great parents - and we found out why last week...This shower was done pretty late in her preganancy, because she was scared of losing another baby. We knew she had had one miscarriage. We didn't know she had had three.
So sometimes what is, just is. Some would tell you life is simply a random series of events and there is no rhyme or reason to it. I dunno. If one believes in a higher power, one has to believe their is some interest and intervention. I happen to believe God allows things to happen for a reason. Good and bad things. Why did your friend lose her baby? Why did our friend have three miscarriages? I don't know, but God does. And maybe at some point, we'll know, too.
I pray for peace and understanding for your friends. Their loss is obviously wearing very hard on them. But remember, Jesus said to let the dead bury the dead. There is nothing within their power that changes the finality of death or anything they can do about it. We, the living, can only go forward with our lives, trying with God's help to do the best we can.
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Sorry to hear that about your friends who are the couple. Sad news.
