Skip to content
  • Categories
  • Recent
  • Tags
  • Popular
  • Users
  • Groups
Skins
  • Light
  • Cerulean
  • Cosmo
  • Flatly
  • Journal
  • Litera
  • Lumen
  • Lux
  • Materia
  • Minty
  • Morph
  • Pulse
  • Sandstone
  • Simplex
  • Sketchy
  • Spacelab
  • United
  • Yeti
  • Zephyr
  • Dark
  • Cyborg
  • Darkly
  • Quartz
  • Slate
  • Solar
  • Superhero
  • Vapor

  • Default (No Skin)
  • No Skin
Collapse

The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
998 Posts 26 Posters 84.7k Views
  • Oldest to Newest
  • Newest to Oldest
  • Most Votes
Reply
  • Reply as topic
Log in to reply
This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
  • J Offline
    J Offline
    jon-nyc
    wrote on 24 Mar 2024, 19:16 last edited by
    #914

    Apparently it’s helpful to pee on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain.

    My apologies to the woman at Waffle House.

    You were warned.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • G Offline
      G Offline
      George K
      wrote on 25 Mar 2024, 23:37 last edited by George K
      #915

      Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm are driving along the road together - Heisenberg is driving.

      After a time, they are stopped by a traffic cop. Heisenberg pulls over, and the cop comes up to the driver's window.

      “Sir, do you know how fast you were driving?” asks the cop.

      “No” replies Heisenberg “but I know precisely where I am”

      “You were doing 70.” says the cop

      “Great!” says Heisenberg “Now we're lost!”

      The cop thinks this is very strange behaviour and so he decides to inspect the vehicle. After a time he comes back to the driver's window and says “Do you know there's a dead cat in the trunk?”

      “Well, now we do!!” yells Schrodinger.

      The cop thinks this is all too weird, so he proceeds to arrest the three.

      Ohm resists.

      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

      1 Reply Last reply
      • G Offline
        G Offline
        George K
        wrote on 25 Mar 2024, 23:37 last edited by
        #916

        Doppler got a ticket for running a red light. It looked green to him, so the cop gave him a speeding ticket.

        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • G Offline
          G Offline
          George K
          wrote on 1 Apr 2024, 15:57 last edited by
          #917

          BREAKING: Tesla Inc. is going to acquire Nikola Corporation later this year and discussions going on that Elon wants to form a single company named Nikola Tesla Inc.

          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • J Offline
            J Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on 8 Apr 2024, 15:51 last edited by jon-nyc 4 Aug 2024, 15:51
            #918

            There's a new guy at work named Wayne Bruce, and I said "Ah, my old nemesis ManBat.

            Nobody got the reference. I'm wasted here. Not all capes wear heroes.

            You were warned.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • G Offline
              G Offline
              George K
              wrote on 13 Apr 2024, 13:21 last edited by
              #919

              So, and Englishman, an Italian and a Frenchman are arguing what the word "panache" means.

              The Englishman says, panache is when you walk into your bedroom and you find your wife in bed with another man, and you say, "Excuse me!"

              The Italian says, panache is when you walk into your bedroom and you find your wife in bed with another man, and you say, "Excuse me! Carry on!"

              The Frenchman says, panache is when you walk into your bedroom and you find your wife in bed with another man, and you say, "Excuse me! Carry on! And he does."

              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • G Offline
                G Offline
                George K
                wrote on 22 Apr 2024, 23:26 last edited by
                #920

                Does anyone have any jokes about hotels?

                I was hoping we could all Sheraton of them.

                Sorry, I am Hyatt the time of writing this.

                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Offline
                  J Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 26 Apr 2024, 09:19 last edited by
                  #921

                  Someone has ripped the fifth month out of my calendar.

                  I am dismayed.

                  You were warned.

                  G 1 Reply Last reply 26 Apr 2024, 11:18
                  • J jon-nyc
                    26 Apr 2024, 09:19

                    Someone has ripped the fifth month out of my calendar.

                    I am dismayed.

                    G Offline
                    G Offline
                    George K
                    wrote on 26 Apr 2024, 11:18 last edited by
                    #922

                    @jon-nyc said in So....:

                    Someone has ripped the fifth month out of my calendar.

                    I am dismayed.

                    So...we're going to full Tom Swiftie? OK.

                    I dropped the toothpaste.

                    I was Crestfallen.

                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • J Offline
                      J Offline
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on 1 May 2024, 21:18 last edited by
                      #923

                      I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

                      Turns out it's the fridge.

                      You were warned.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • G Offline
                        G Offline
                        George K
                        wrote on 9 May 2024, 11:21 last edited by
                        #924

                        A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

                        The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

                        The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

                        The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

                        The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

                        The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • G Offline
                          G Offline
                          George K
                          wrote on 11 May 2024, 11:49 last edited by
                          #925

                          Isn't it crazy how like ten years ago everybody was afraid of trans fats?

                          And now everybody is celebrating fat trans?

                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • G Offline
                            G Offline
                            George K
                            wrote on 12 May 2024, 10:49 last edited by
                            #926

                            A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House," in French, is feminine - "la maison." "Pencil," in French, is masculine - "le crayon."

                            One puzzled student asked, "What gender is the computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

                            Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

                            The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

                            1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

                            2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

                            3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.

                            4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

                            The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

                            1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

                            2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.

                            3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE THE PROBLEM.

                            4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

                            "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                            The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J Offline
                              J Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on 13 May 2024, 11:55 last edited by
                              #927

                              I figured out how to colonize Mars.

                              : M : A : R : S :

                              You were warned.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • J Offline
                                J Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on 15 May 2024, 04:02 last edited by
                                #928

                                My wife claims I'm the cheapest person she's ever met.

                                I'm not buying it.

                                You were warned.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • G Offline
                                  G Offline
                                  George K
                                  wrote on 28 May 2024, 16:14 last edited by
                                  #929

                                  So, I've never met a single successful person who watches Keeping up with the Kardashians.

                                  Not even one.

                                  "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                  The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • J Offline
                                    J Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on 28 May 2024, 18:59 last edited by
                                    #930

                                    You know you’re ugly when you’re always the one handed the camera when it’s time for a group photo.

                                    You were warned.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • J Offline
                                      J Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on 29 May 2024, 00:24 last edited by
                                      #931

                                      My wife and I had words.

                                      But I didn't get to use mine.

                                      You were warned.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • MikM Offline
                                        MikM Offline
                                        Mik
                                        wrote on 4 Jun 2024, 11:19 last edited by
                                        #932

                                        Few people know that before he was famous, the late Johnny Cash tried a chip full of salsa served backstage in Possumneck, Mississippi that changed his life. It was spicy and tangy and smoky and so good that he just couldn't get it off of his mind. Unfortunately, there was no jar, no label.

                                        Now, there have been rumors that Johnny had kind of an addictive personality. He would sometimes disappear for days on end. People attributed it to drugs or alcohol. The truth is that he would roam the country searching for the special hot sauce of his dreams. He heard rumors and whispers of the deadly condiment and followed them to countless dead ends. He stopped at every Tex Mex restaurant, truck stop, and Mexican grocery in the South without finding what he sought.
                                        One day he heard tell of an old woman, a witch down in the Mayan peninsula in Mexico whom it was said, made the best salsa in the world! He cancelled his next five gigs and headed south. He rode donkeys, Jeeps and horse drawn wagons. He traversed deserts, mountains and jungles before finally reaching the fabled village where the old bruja lived.

                                        He found and entered the old woman's hut. As luck would have it, she was one of his first big fans, having caught one of his shows at that Holiday Inn in Possumneck, Mississippi while attending a Salsa Aficionado convention where one of her jars of salsa mysteriously disappeared and somehow made its way to a bowl backstage. She consented to sharing her secret recipe with him only after he agreed to write a song for her.

                                        She shared the special Tomatillos grown in Mayan soil. She gave him the seeds from a rare Mexican pepper and showed him the special pan with a rounded bottom, similar to those used in the Far East that she would use to simmer "la lima" or "lime," the source of the salsa's tanginess. He asked her if he could just use his regular flat-bottomed pan but she insisted that he must use the round-bottomed pan.

                                        From this came the inspiration for the lyrics: "Because you're Mayan, I'll wok the lime!"

                                        “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill

                                        G 1 Reply Last reply 4 Jun 2024, 11:35
                                        • MikM Mik
                                          4 Jun 2024, 11:19

                                          Few people know that before he was famous, the late Johnny Cash tried a chip full of salsa served backstage in Possumneck, Mississippi that changed his life. It was spicy and tangy and smoky and so good that he just couldn't get it off of his mind. Unfortunately, there was no jar, no label.

                                          Now, there have been rumors that Johnny had kind of an addictive personality. He would sometimes disappear for days on end. People attributed it to drugs or alcohol. The truth is that he would roam the country searching for the special hot sauce of his dreams. He heard rumors and whispers of the deadly condiment and followed them to countless dead ends. He stopped at every Tex Mex restaurant, truck stop, and Mexican grocery in the South without finding what he sought.
                                          One day he heard tell of an old woman, a witch down in the Mayan peninsula in Mexico whom it was said, made the best salsa in the world! He cancelled his next five gigs and headed south. He rode donkeys, Jeeps and horse drawn wagons. He traversed deserts, mountains and jungles before finally reaching the fabled village where the old bruja lived.

                                          He found and entered the old woman's hut. As luck would have it, she was one of his first big fans, having caught one of his shows at that Holiday Inn in Possumneck, Mississippi while attending a Salsa Aficionado convention where one of her jars of salsa mysteriously disappeared and somehow made its way to a bowl backstage. She consented to sharing her secret recipe with him only after he agreed to write a song for her.

                                          She shared the special Tomatillos grown in Mayan soil. She gave him the seeds from a rare Mexican pepper and showed him the special pan with a rounded bottom, similar to those used in the Far East that she would use to simmer "la lima" or "lime," the source of the salsa's tanginess. He asked her if he could just use his regular flat-bottomed pan but she insisted that he must use the round-bottomed pan.

                                          From this came the inspiration for the lyrics: "Because you're Mayan, I'll wok the lime!"

                                          G Offline
                                          G Offline
                                          George K
                                          wrote on 4 Jun 2024, 11:35 last edited by
                                          #933

                                          @Mik there's a place in hell for that, you know.

                                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
                                          Reply
                                          • Reply as topic
                                          Log in to reply
                                          • Oldest to Newest
                                          • Newest to Oldest
                                          • Most Votes


                                          • Login

                                          • Don't have an account? Register

                                          • Login or register to search.
                                          • First post
                                            Last post
                                          0
                                          • Categories
                                          • Recent
                                          • Tags
                                          • Popular
                                          • Users
                                          • Groups