So....
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wrote on 14 Jul 2020, 22:05 last edited by Larry
I pulled a muscle while digging for gold.
It's just a miner injury....
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topic:timeago-later,21 days
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wrote on 4 Aug 2020, 17:19 last edited by Catseye3 8 Apr 2020, 17:19
A police officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers.
He sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH and thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?” “Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.” “Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says. The officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t uttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks with concern. “Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 215.” -
wrote on 7 Aug 2020, 01:51 last edited by
My wife makes pancakes too thin.
I shouldn't have to put up with this crepe...
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wrote on 7 Aug 2020, 01:53 last edited by
My wife is a sexaholic. No matter what time of day or night my wife always wants to make love, I can't even brush my teeth without her humping me.
Ealier I went to the kitchen for a gllllas of wattrr an myy wif e un ziiipp ed panntss a nd themn adwrer sdoa akdbw aldb tees yhalfb hdjjwj snkkdbf jskdnruw.
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wrote on 7 Aug 2020, 01:56 last edited by
Would it be wrong to follow rioters home and then burn their houses down? Asking for a friend..
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wrote on 7 Aug 2020, 02:02 last edited by Larry 8 Nov 2020, 23:28
A hunter on safari came across a dead elephant with a pigmy standing beside it. The hunter asked the pygmy if he had killed it.
"Yes. "
"How Did a little guy like you kill such a large animal?"
"I killed it with my club."
"Damn! How big is your club?"
"There's about 200 of us, I think..." -
wrote on 7 Aug 2020, 02:05 last edited by
My best friend passed away years ago.
Grieving before his grave I said,
“Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?
A month later, my wife gave birth to a baby boy. As my child grows older I realize he looks a lot like my best friend.
I’m really happy my prayer worked.
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wrote on 7 Aug 2020, 02:08 last edited by
Two dogs are talking. One says "I can't remember your name but your fece's familiar...."
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wrote on 7 Aug 2020, 02:10 last edited by
So i said "Doc, you got anything i could take for my kleptomania?"....
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wrote on 7 Aug 2020, 02:17 last edited by
Welcome to the National Sarcasm Society.
Like we need your support....
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wrote on 11 Aug 2020, 21:42 last edited by
If I make a woman breakfast in bed, a simple ‘thank you’ is enough.
None of this ‘how did you get in my house’ business, please.
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wrote on 13 Aug 2020, 00:36 last edited by
Apparently, that random guy in the parking lot was just tying his shoe and didn't actually want to play leap frog. My bad dude, my bad.
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wrote on 13 Aug 2020, 03:04 last edited by
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wrote on 13 Aug 2020, 03:35 last edited by
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him.
He’s doing better currently. And conducting himself properly.
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wrote on 13 Aug 2020, 04:34 last edited by
My neighbor's wife has a whale tattoo on her ass. It used to be a porpoise.
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wrote on 14 Aug 2020, 22:00 last edited by
I guess we all have personal hang ups about our appearance.
Personally my worry is that one of my balls is bigger than the other two.
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wrote on 15 Aug 2020, 00:04 last edited by
I was so disappointed when I heard they won't be making yardsticks any longer....
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wrote on 18 Aug 2020, 15:33 last edited by
Doctor: "How many fingers now?"
Me: "this just isn't how I envisioned a prostate exam worked..."
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wrote on 18 Aug 2020, 15:36 last edited by
They said schizophrenia is an illness And I should take medication.
But look who's over here and not lonely during the covid19 lockdown!.....
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wrote on 18 Aug 2020, 15:41 last edited by
A guy walks up to a pretty girl standing next to the jukebox. "Wow - great thong!"
She slaps him in the face and walks off.
The guy says.... "Thorry... wath it thomething i thaid?"....