So....

[jon-nyc]

I went to the movies with this girl the other night. At one point she reached into my lap and told me I had the biggest cock she’d ever felt.

Turns out she was pulling my leg.

[jon-nyc]

I identify as Schrödinger’s cat.

My pronouns are is/isn’t.

[George K]

Someone tore the fifth page out of my calendar.

I'm so dismayed.

[LuFins Dad]

@George-K said in So....:

Someone tore the fifth page out of my calendar.

I'm so dismayed.

Take a day off…

[George K]

I went to the drugstore and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

I said, "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....

[George K]

I started a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction.

It was a total flop......and nobody came.

[George K]

I was standing at the bar at the one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches... but,
 when you're my age, who cares?

[George K]

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

[George K]

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...

[George K]

I went to our the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 stitches, but...

[jon-nyc]

My buddy was engaged twice but never actually got married.

He’s had a couple of near Mrs.

[George K]

I was talking to a young woman at a bar last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Cost me a fat lip, but...

[jon-nyc]

I don’t know what HD is but my doctor says I have 80 of them.

[Catseye3]

(Warning: Dad Joke) What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.

[Catseye3]

(Warning: Another Dad Joke). If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

[Catseye3]

I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.

[LuFins Dad]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

(Warning: Dad Joke) What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.

Nice. And stolen…

[Catseye3]

@LuFins-Dad

Oh yeah, absolutely.

[LuFins Dad]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

@LuFins-Dad

Oh yeah, absolutely.

I meant that I was stealing it from you!

[Catseye3]

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife.