So....
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wrote on 12 Feb 2023, 01:36 last edited by
Dating in my 50s is like being a Chinese spy balloon.
I’m the size of three busses and keep getting shot down.
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wrote on 12 Feb 2023, 12:16 last edited by
Over a double Latte, the Greek mentions "We built the Parthenon you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo."
"Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter solstices."
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to mathematics."
"Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: "Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"
"Aye! True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved."
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wrote on 16 Feb 2023, 01:04 last edited by
I went to the movies with this girl the other night. At one point she reached into my lap and told me I had the biggest cock she’d ever felt.
Turns out she was pulling my leg.
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wrote on 16 Feb 2023, 01:10 last edited by
I identify as Schrödinger’s cat.
My pronouns are is/isn’t.
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wrote on 17 Feb 2023, 02:10 last edited by
Someone tore the fifth page out of my calendar.
I'm so dismayed.
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wrote on 17 Feb 2023, 02:41 last edited by
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wrote on 19 Feb 2023, 12:04 last edited by
I went to the drugstore and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
I said, "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....
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wrote on 20 Feb 2023, 00:31 last edited by
I started a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction.
It was a total flop......and nobody came.
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wrote on 21 Feb 2023, 12:20 last edited by
I was standing at the bar at the one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches... but, when you're my age, who cares?
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wrote on 23 Feb 2023, 11:55 last edited by
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
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wrote on 25 Feb 2023, 15:33 last edited by
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
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wrote on 27 Feb 2023, 23:02 last edited by George K
I went to our the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 stitches, but...
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wrote on 5 Mar 2023, 17:20 last edited by jon-nyc 3 May 2023, 17:22
My buddy was engaged twice but never actually got married.
He’s had a couple of near Mrs.
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wrote on 5 Mar 2023, 17:41 last edited by
I was talking to a young woman at a bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but...
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wrote on 5 Mar 2023, 23:59 last edited by
I don’t know what HD is but my doctor says I have 80 of them.
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wrote on 12 Mar 2023, 23:01 last edited by
(Warning: Dad Joke) What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
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wrote on 12 Mar 2023, 23:07 last edited by
(Warning: Another Dad Joke). If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
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wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:27 last edited by
I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.
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wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:36 last edited by LuFins Dad
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wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:37 last edited by
Oh yeah, absolutely.