So....
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What do you give a man who has everything?
Broad spectrum antibiotics.
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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.
JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08
The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.
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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.
JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
JORDAN PETERSON: Well, I would first start by asking, what makes you think you want that chicken to cross the road? When Solzhenitsyn wrote the Gulag Archipelago, he had some very frightening things to say about the other side of that road—things Jung tried to warn us about but most people aren't willing to cast their gaze at. And it's like, fair enough, it's dark over there!
Please love yourself.
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@Aqua-Letifer said in So....:
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.
JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
JORDAN PETERSON: Well, I would first start by asking, what makes you think you want that chicken to cross the road? When Solzhenitsyn wrote the Gulag Archipelago, he had some very frightening things to say about the other side of that road—things Jung tried to warn us about but most people aren't willing to cast their gaze at. And it's like, fair enough, it's dark over there!
HORACE: Because the chicken was indoctrinated by his culture into believing that crossing the road signaled virtue. Across the road was a large group of mediocre chickens giggling at the smaller group who did not cross. The smaller group was clearly more intelligent and better looking than the giggling masses, and that smaller group watched on with deep compassion and sadness as the masses across the road got plucked, roasted, and eaten.
Education is extremely important.
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@Aqua-Letifer said in So....:
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.
JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
JORDAN PETERSON: Well, I would first start by asking, what makes you think you want that chicken to cross the road? When Solzhenitsyn wrote the Gulag Archipelago, he had some very frightening things to say about the other side of that road—things Jung tried to warn us about but most people aren't willing to cast their gaze at. And it's like, fair enough, it's dark over there!
HORACE: Because the chicken was indoctrinated by his culture into believing that crossing the road signaled virtue. Across the road was a large group of mediocre chickens giggling at the smaller group who did not cross. The smaller group was clearly more intelligent and better looking than the giggling masses, and that smaller group watched on with deep compassion and sadness as the masses across the road got plucked, roasted, and eaten.
That's actually pretty good! We should do everybody on here. (Mine would be easy.)
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I think @Aqua-Letifer won TNCR today.
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@Aqua-Letifer said in So....:
@Aqua-Letifer said in So....:
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.
JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
JORDAN PETERSON: Well, I would first start by asking, what makes you think you want that chicken to cross the road? When Solzhenitsyn wrote the Gulag Archipelago, he had some very frightening things to say about the other side of that road—things Jung tried to warn us about but most people aren't willing to cast their gaze at. And it's like, fair enough, it's dark over there!
HORACE: Because the chicken was indoctrinated by his culture into believing that crossing the road signaled virtue. Across the road was a large group of mediocre chickens giggling at the smaller group who did not cross. The smaller group was clearly more intelligent and better looking than the giggling masses, and that smaller group watched on with deep compassion and sadness as the masses across the road got plucked, roasted, and eaten.
That's actually pretty good! We should do everybody on here. (Mine would be easy.)
JON: The chicken began crossing the road, but when he got halfway across he found himself entirely free of bias towards either side. He was the lone chicken serving as the example of perfect balance between sides of the road. Satisfied that he had achieved the pinnacle of personal perspective, he laid down in the middle of the road and took a nap.
TG: The chicken crossed the road to see what the other side was like. Turns out, the other side is exactly the same as the first side.
PHIBES: The chicken crossed the road to get to America, the greatest country on earth.
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@Aqua-Letifer said in So....:
@Aqua-Letifer said in So....:
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.
JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
JORDAN PETERSON: Well, I would first start by asking, what makes you think you want that chicken to cross the road? When Solzhenitsyn wrote the Gulag Archipelago, he had some very frightening things to say about the other side of that road—things Jung tried to warn us about but most people aren't willing to cast their gaze at. And it's like, fair enough, it's dark over there!
HORACE: Because the chicken was indoctrinated by his culture into believing that crossing the road signaled virtue. Across the road was a large group of mediocre chickens giggling at the smaller group who did not cross. The smaller group was clearly more intelligent and better looking than the giggling masses, and that smaller group watched on with deep compassion and sadness as the masses across the road got plucked, roasted, and eaten.
That's actually pretty good! We should do everybody on here. (Mine would be easy.)
JON: The chicken began crossing the road, but when he got halfway across he found himself entirely free of bias towards either side. He was the lone chicken serving as the example of perfect balance between sides of the road. Satisfied that he had achieved the pinnacle of personal perspective, he laid down in the middle of the road and took a nap.
TG: The chicken crossed the road to see what the other side was like. Turns out, the other side is exactly the same as the first side.
PHIBES: The chicken crossed the road to get to America, the greatest country on earth.
WILL SMITH：The chicken crossed the road to bang my wife, so I slapped Chris Rock for it.
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George would post a picture of a tweet from the chicken saying it would never cross the road. Then a follow up tweet by the chicken exclaiming how wonderful it is now that it crossed the road.
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Jolly would note that the chicken is living in the road’s head rent free.
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So......
A cow and three calves are laying in the grass under a tree.
One of the calves looks at the cow and says "why was I named Sunlight?" The cow says "because when you were born the first thing to happen was a ray of sunlight landed on your head."
The second calf says "well... why was I named Butterfly?" The cow says "because when you were born the first thing to happen was a butterfly landed on your head."
The third calf, named Cinder Block, said ",.,,,, Ooooddeeee boooomfph wooooooop...."
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this is a joke LB posted on FB.
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said "good morning, Father, good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store & bought even more
outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them.
Once again the two priests settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Again, she nodded at each of them, said "good morning, Father" and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said. "Just a minute young lady.
"Yes?" she replied.
"We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests dressed as we are?"
The blonde turned around and replied, "Father, it's me, Sister Angela!"
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I just got a full tank of gas for $22.
Granted, it was for my lawnmower but I’m trying to stay positive.
