So....

[Improviso]

So...

[Larry]

Last night my wife met me at the front door wearing nothing but a tiny little see through nightie.

Unfortunately, she was the one coming home....

[Larry]

Knock knock.....

Who's there?

Grandpa.

Shit...... Stop the funeral!!

[Larry]

So.. I booked a flight today and the girl said "window or aisle?"

I said "Window or you'll what?"

[Larry]

So.. the feminist picnic was a total disaster...

None of them were willing to make sammiches...

[Larry]

This quarantine stay at home thing is apparently putting a real strain on many marriages.

But I'm happy to report that mine is going strong.. just this morning I woke up to find my wife holding a pillow tightly over my face... she was just trying to protect me from the virus..

[Larry]

You guys might know.... should the right testicle be bigger than the middle one?

Asking for a friend....

[jon-nyc]

A priest, a imam, and a rabbit go into a bar.

The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?”

The rabbit says, “I don’t know, I’m only here because of autocorrect”.

[George K]

@jon-nyc

Saving that one for future reference....

[jon-nyc]

I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

[Larry]

I overdosed on Viagra last week.

It was the hardest day of my life....

[Larry]

The Amish community had 20 cases of Corona yesterday.

They drank it all in a few hours though...

Man you should see the screwed up barn they built.....

[Larry]

They said they were feeling a little hoarse and buggy....

[Larry]

I read in the news that anagram lovers were more likely to get the virus if they were asked to spell "racoon"...

[Larry]

My doctor told me I have chronic constipation.

Personally, I couldn't give a shit.

[Catseye3]

A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint both crashed on an island. All the sailors were marooned.

[Larry]

So the guy who invented throat lozenges died the other day.

There was no coffin at his funeral....

[Larry]

So.. I asked my urologist if he could do a scrotal lift. He said "Yes, I've made a lot of money going for the low hanging fruit..."

[Larry]

I used to cry during sex......

But pepper spray doesn't bother me much any more....

[jon-nyc]

CDC: “Avoid handshakes for the foreseeable future. “

Jeffrey Dahlmer: “Damn!”

** turns off blender**