So....
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wrote on 13 Jun 2021, 11:33 last edited by
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 65-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, one thing led to another and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that? I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?
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wrote on 13 Jun 2021, 12:23 last edited by
January 21, 2021.
Last Larry post in this thread.
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wrote on 20 Jun 2021, 15:53 last edited by
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
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Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
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wrote on 20 Jun 2021, 15:55 last edited by
Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.
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wrote on 23 Jun 2021, 20:58 last edited by
I opened up a bar for people with erectile dysfunction…
It was a flop…. nobody came.
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wrote on 23 Jun 2021, 22:34 last edited by
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wrote on 24 Jun 2021, 17:09 last edited by
"I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,”Forget everything you know about slipcovers.” So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn’t know what the hell they were." -- Mitch Hedberg
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wrote on 27 Jun 2021, 11:34 last edited by
Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says. “We only have one rule here in heaven, don’t step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Well, along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says. “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks. And then one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on – Very tall, long eyelashes. and muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says. “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
The guy says. “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
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wrote on 27 Jun 2021, 22:47 last edited by
A frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl.
The psychic tells him, "Yes, you are."
The frog replies, "Where? In a bar or at a party?"
The psychic says, "In biology class."
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wrote on 28 Jun 2021, 00:16 last edited by
A guy goes into a bar with a frog on his shoulder.
The bartender said "hey, where'd you get that?"
The frog said "it started out as a wart on my ass."
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wrote on 28 Jun 2021, 00:17 last edited by
A black guy goes into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender said "hey, where'd you get that?"
The parrot said... "Africa."
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wrote on 4 Jul 2021, 16:42 last edited by
Not to get too technical or anything, but according to chemistry alcohol is in fact a solution.
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wrote on 4 Jul 2021, 17:58 last edited by
So.... remember Bruce Lee?
How about his much faster, older brother Sudden?...... -
wrote on 4 Jul 2021, 18:04 last edited by
So as Thomas Jefferson famously said on July 3rd, 1776......
"Shit! That's due tomorrow??"....
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wrote on 4 Jul 2021, 18:05 last edited by
PSA for today:
Guys with an eye patch and three fingers sell the best fireworks....
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wrote on 4 Jul 2021, 18:14 last edited by
So.. I bought a wig today for a dollar.
It was a small price toupee........
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wrote on 7 Jul 2021, 11:44 last edited by
So it turns out JPEG is not the Jewish dating app I thought it was.
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wrote on 7 Jul 2021, 12:29 last edited by
My doctor told me to stop masturbating.
I asked for how long.
"At least until I'm done with your exam."
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wrote on 11 Jul 2021, 02:31 last edited by
A new lego store just opened up in New York today.
People were lined up for blocks.
