So....

[jon-nyc]

I wanted to start a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.

[Optimistic]

What do you call a mean potato?

A dictator.

[Larry]

Teacher: "Leroy, please make a sentence using the word 'dictate ".

Leroy: "I took Quahita on a date and afterwards I said 'Quahita, how my dictate?' "

[George K]

So, if Hooters starts delivering food, will it have to change its name to Knockers?

[Improviso]

[Improviso]

[xenon]

Steve Jobs would have made a better President than Trump...

...but that's comparing apples to oranges.

[George K]

@xenon said in So....:

Steve Jobs would have made a better President than Trump...

...but that's comparing apples to oranges.

[brenda]

@xenon said in So....:

Steve Jobs would have made a better President than Trump...

...but that's comparing apples to oranges.

That's so bad it's good! LOL

[jon-nyc]

I just heard something suspicious outside and caught some asshole siphoning gas into my car.

[mark]

@jon-nyc lol

[Larry]

[Larry]

So... I feel like I'm 16 again...

Gas is cheap..
I can't get into a bar or drink..
And I'm grounded...

[Larry]

So.. the Catholic church just released a new aftershave...

Eau My God.....

[Larry]

So.. my grandfather was in the army until he ate all the rations...

He was shot for desserting ...

[Larry]

Did you know that when you say the word "poop" your mouth moves the same way your butthole moves?

The same goes for "explosive diahrrea"....

[jon-nyc]

If after the lockdown you were given 2 options:

Fly with your wife to a dream destination or have a BBQ with the guys, what would you choose?

1. Rare,
2. Medium rare or
3. Medium?

[Larry]

So.. in this difficult time we should all endeavor to lend a helping hand to others when we can. Just today I helped my neighbor bury a large rug in the woods behind her house.

Her husband would have helped, but he's out of town.....

[Larry]

My wife said she's leaving me because she's sick and tired of my "weird sexual fetishes"..

So I said "oh yeah? Well just slam the door on my pecker when you leave!!"

[Larry]

I don't trust people who have fruit fetishes..

They usually come in pears....