The Outhouse
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I have a long-time friend of mine, that gives credence to the saying about not judging a book by its cover. John was raised in a house that was made of rough lumber and built using a coke bottle as a level. His dad had a one-hole, corrugated tin shop, where he did mechanic work. There were three kids, all who made something of themselves...The oldest boy eventually built racing transmissions for NASCAR teams. The middle girl had a Master's in education and retired as a principal. My friend worked as a welder in the natural gas business, and had a mechanic shop of his own. They were a great family and I probably stuck my feet under their kitchen table more than I should have.
John was always frugal about money and over-generous with his talents and his time. Well-liked would not begin to describe his standing in the community. Because John helped so many people, people helped John...John, did you know Jimmy Joe is selling some of his dad's old place, and it's cheap? John, check with Billy Bob, he's got a 30hp Johnson he wants to get rid if, and I know all that's wrong with it is the carb. And on and on and on...John passed being worth a million dollars a long time ago, but you'd never know it. Same khaki shirt, same blue jeans, same Irish Setter boots.
Anyway, John bought an old home place, or what was left of one. Ten acres and an old two-room house, built in 1892. The old house was wide-board pine, board & batten. Sixteen inch pine, four inch batten. The tin roof was rusted, but not leaking. The floor was oak, probably rough cut when nailed, but worn smooth from the walking of a man, his wife and ten kids. Cracks between floor boards you could see through. Wood cook stove in one room, brick fireplace in the other. When they got electricity in the 1950's, whoever was living there had it wired for a single light bulb in each room and one outlet by the front door.
Water was from a cistern and a hand pump. Back porch still had the oldest washing machine I've ever seen...I think it had a gas motor at one time. The porch also had a cypress 1x12 on one end, with a cut-out close to the house wall for a basin and an old mirror hung on the porch side of the house. Some of the old furniture went with the house, including some cowhide bottom ladderback chairs and a home-made table in the room with the woodstove.
Old house did need work, though. Several of the sills were rotten, so John had new cypress sills sawn to replace the bad ones and put them in by himself. A couple of the exterior boards had some rot, so John got a log off of me and a buddy sawed some boards to match. I forget how long of a log we had to have, but it was twelve feet of so...There's no break and overlap in the board & batten. Every board goes all the way to the top of the gable.
Anyway, John cleaned and fixed the old place up. Even repaired the old picket fence that went around it. It was almost ready for its intended purpose...A place for a wedding, family pictures, maybe a gathering of friends who enjoy old things. But it still had a problem. The old outhouse had partially fallen in on itself and John wanted something a bit better, anyway. So he built a new, bigger outhouse, but he didn't set it over a hole. No, John is too mechanical for that.
When you open the door on the outhouse, you see a white porcelain flush toilet. In the corner is a water tank made from a propane tank. The tank has a pump that runs off of a trolling motor battery and it gets its water from the cistern. Flip the switch, the tank empties into the toilet reservoir and refills. The toilet flushes to a small lagoon pond that John dug with his backhoe (yes, John has all kinds of equipment that just kind of followed him home over the years). That may not be exactly legal, but nobody is going to bother John over a toilet that doesn't get flushed ten times a month.
So what does John charge to use the old place for a wedding or for a get-together? Nothing. He never has...
Always remember, Operation Valkyrie was an act of sedition.
Warning: I post things that interest me. Read and comment at your own discretion. -
Bubba's wife said "Bubba, got off your ass and fix the outhouse!" Bubba just wanted to be left alone, but he knew he would have a moment's peace until he fixed whatever was wrong with the outhouse. So he grabbed a few tools and went to check it out.
He checked the roof, he checked the walls, he checked it inside and out, but couldn't find a thing wrong with it. So he drove a nail into the wall so his wife would hear the hammering and think he had repaired something.
Later that day his wife came running into the house in a rage. "Bubba, I told you to fix that outhouse! You didn't fix it!" So this time Bubba gets busy.. He puts a new roof on it, covers the outside with new siding, then goes inside the outhouse to check it out again.
He looks all over the inside, but couldn't find a thing wrong. He gets down on his hands and knees and sticks his head into the seat hole to check that out too. Just as he gets his head down the hole his wife comes up behind him and says "WELL???"
This startled Bubba and he jumps up, snagging his beard on a big splinter as he pulls his head out of the hole, pulling out a chunk of his beard. "Ouch!" He said. "That hurt!!"
His wife says "See? Aggravating, ain't it?"......
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@Jolly Great friend to have, and I am sure that he thinks the same of you.
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@taiwan_girl said in The Outhouse:
@Jolly Great friend to have, and I am sure that he thinks the same of you.
I have had few friends, but I've had really, really good ones. Interestingly enough, none of my very good friends finished college, but all of them were the most versatile people I've ever met.
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Jolly: you ever read John Gierach? I think you should look him up if not.
Please love yourself.
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@Aqua-Letifer said in The Outhouse:
Jolly: you ever read John Gierach? I think you should look him up if not.
Never have.
Clue me in, literary illuminati...
Always remember, Operation Valkyrie was an act of sedition.
Warning: I post things that interest me. Read and comment at your own discretion. -
@Jolly said in The Outhouse:
@Aqua-Letifer said in The Outhouse:
Jolly: you ever read John Gierach? I think you should look him up if not.
Never have.
Clue me in, literary illuminati...
He wrote for Field & Stream for awhile. He writes about huntin' and fishin' stuff. But I think you'd like his writing style. It's good, too. So good you can be a guy like me who knows jack about fly fishing and still find it very worthwhile.
