What Should You Wear To Church?

[George K]

What Should You Wear To Church? A Handy Guide For Each Denomination

Whether you’re visiting your parents’ stuffy old Baptist church or piling into the family minivan because the kids are begging to ride the roller coaster at the sleek new megachurch down the street, the age-old question persists: what should you wear?

Wonder no longer, good and faithful servant. We sent a team of Babylon Bee agents to over two thousand churches, big and small, new and old, all across the land to research customs, dress codes, fashion do’s and fashion don’ts. This exhaustively researched article is the result, and it’s absolutely packed with helpful fashion tips.

Bookmark this page and check it any time you’re unsure what it is you ought to be wearing to church!

Baptist—When you hit the local Baptist church, dust off your best polo shirt and slacks, like Jesus wore. Women should be sure to wear long enough skirts, lest they should cause a brother to stumble by flashing too much ankle.

Calvary Chapel—God is worthy of our Sunday best, so make sure you pick out your finest sandals, shorts, and Hawaiian print shirt when you show your face at one of your city’s fifty-eight Calvary Chapel churches. The hardcore believers will be touting a copy of Left Behind or The Late Great Planet Earth tucked beneath their arm.

Presbyterian & Reformed—The key word here is classy. Sport a three-piece suit, top hat, and a monocle. Pair with glass of scotch or craft beer and a Romeo y Julieta brand cigar to really blend in.

Non-Denominational Megachurch—Whatever you woke up in. If it’s good enough to party in late Saturday night and crash on your couch in, it’s good enough for God. If you overdress by wearing a shirt that doesn’t show some skin or a low-key, modest outfit, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb!

Pentecostal—Go with something loose and flowing—anything good for waving your arms around in or flopping around like Magikarp. Secret pockets and compartments you can use to stow a tambourine or dancing ribbon are useful.

Catholic—You’d best wear your spiffiest Sunday outfit or your Grandma will pinch you, and it will hurt like the dickens. If your Grandma isn’t there, don’t worry, someone else’s Grandma will assume her pinching duties.

Methodist—Mainline Methodists should wear a tie-dye T-shirt with a left-leaning political statement like LOVE IS LOVE or PRIDE. If you’re one of the few Methodists still left in orthodoxy, a WESLEY IS MY HOMEBOY shirt oughtta do it.

Lutheran—16th-century German monastic robes are ideal. If you are having trouble locating those, you can go with a Baptist-esque business casual outfit as a fallback. But really, you’re gonna want to try to find the robes if you don’t want to look like a loser.

Episcopalian—Wear anything you want; no one will be there to see you anyway.

Eastern Orthodox—Your outfit doesn’t matter so much as the fact that you’ve got a long, flowing beard. Women are not exempt from this requirement.

[Jolly]

[LuFins Dad]

Funny and timely! This has been a topic of conversation around our house and our Church lately.

We’re a “come as you are” type of Church. We have some people come dressed in their Sunday best and some people in jeans and a t-shirt and we’re happy to have them there. Serving though... That’s a different story. If you’re on the platform then guys are either in a shirt and tie or coat, normally both. Ladies are in a skirt or dress, occasionally a dressy pant suit.

The founding Pastor retired after 30 years. The new guy coming in is younger and a little more relaxed. During the audition he wore a sport coat and slacks... Ok, I’m fine with a little more relaxed. During the weeks since his hiring up and till the Senior Pastor’s retirement his dress has gotten a little more relaxed. This week was his first week on his own as Pastor and he was in jeans and a dress shirt (untucked)...

As members have been commenting about this, everybody has been generally “Well, Jesus didn’t wear a tie...” and similar types of platitudes. I’ve responded that I get that and cultural norms change, but the casual dress either indicates a casual attitude in other areas as well which can be good or bad depending on what that casual attitude extends to, or it’s a carefully crafted “casual” that isn’t casual at all but is designed to try to be more appealing to the general public, which again, can be troubling.

Other events have me convinced that this is a carefully crafted casual, and that this guy has an intention of turning our Church into the same generic style over substance church that my wife and I were specifically looking to avoid 15 years ago when we found this church.

I’ve lead the congregational singing over the last 8 years (praise and hymns) and the hymns have stopped and the songs selected (not by me) for the Praise Music has been of little substance. Oh, I was also asked to dress down a little to match the image... The choir that has been a critical part of this church has basically been told that even after COVID, it won’t be returning like the old choir but will be given the opportunity to sing praise on special occasions. No rehearsals, but just sing melody and if you can hear a part, sing it!

Sigh, got a hunch I will be searching for a new church soon.

@Jolly probably gets it...

[Jolly]

@LuFins-Dad said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

Funny and timely! This has been a topic of conversation around our house and our Church lately.

We’re a “come as you are” type of Church. We have some people come dressed in their Sunday best and some people in jeans and a t-shirt and we’re happy to have them there. Serving though... That’s a different story. If you’re on the platform then guys are either in a shirt and tie or coat, normally both. Ladies are in a skirt or dress, occasionally a dressy pant suit.

The founding Pastor retired after 30 years. The new guy coming in is younger and a little more relaxed. During the audition he wore a sport coat and slacks... Ok, I’m fine with a little more relaxed. During the weeks since his hiring up and till the Senior Pastor’s retirement his dress has gotten a little more relaxed. This week was his first week on his own as Pastor and he was in jeans and a dress shirt (untucked)...

As members have been commenting about this, everybody has been generally “Well, Jesus didn’t wear a tie...” and similar types of platitudes. I’ve responded that I get that and cultural norms change, but the casual dress either indicates a casual attitude in other areas as well which can be good or bad depending on what that casual attitude extends to, or it’s a carefully crafted “casual” that isn’t casual at all but is designed to try to be more appealing to the general public, which again, can be troubling.

Other events have me convinced that this is a carefully crafted casual, and that this guy has an intention of turning our Church into the same generic style over substance church that my wife and I were specifically looking to avoid 15 years ago when we found this church.

I’ve lead the congregational singing over the last 8 years (praise and hymns) and the hymns have stopped and the songs selected (not by me) for the Praise Music has been of little substance. Oh, I was also asked to dress down a little to match the image... The choir that has been a critical part of this church has basically been told that even after COVID, it won’t be returning like the old choir but will be given the opportunity to sing praise on special occasions. No rehearsals, but just sing melody and if you can hear a part, sing it!

Sigh, got a hunch I will be searching for a new church soon.

@Jolly probably gets it...

In spades.

[George K]

This is a post with a broader context than just the humorous comments by The Bee.

Is there a place where "dressing up" is required, or expected?

Commander's Palace, one of the most renowned restaurants in New Orleans has a dress code: Gentlemen (sit down Mazie) are required to wear jackets and denim is not allowed.

Mrs. George's church sounds a lot like what you talk about. A "come as you are" type of thing. Being a "Creaster Lutheran," I've always been put off by the casualness of it.

I've worn (clean) denim to the CSO on several occasions. I always felt out of place, considering what was worn by other patrons. Perhaps it was just peer pressure.

But, dressing "up" signifies respect. Sometimes that's a thing.

I suppose one can never be criticized for over-dressing, but under-dressing would make me uncomfortable. In the meantime, I'll get off everyone's lawns.

[Jolly]

Look, I go to a small country church. Usually, I'm in Dockers and a polo, but people aren't shocked if I walk in wearing a suit. The songleader usually wears a jacket, but I've never seen him without a tie. The pastor is always attired in coat and tie.

God asks for our best. If your best is a pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt, welcome to church, brother. But if those jeans are not, are you actually giving God your best? Are you giving the most powerful being in the universe the respect He deserves?

[Jolly]

And another thing...

The person who decided we should ditch the hymnals, sing mostly insipid praise songs, following the words on a projector screen, should be taken out and shot.

Some folks just need killin'.

[Aqua Letifer]

@George-K said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

But, dressing "up" signifies respect. Sometimes that's a thing.

My mother was once given a very nice note on her car about her being a godless piece of shit because she had a Clinton bumper sticker. This was in the parking lot of an old-school Catholic church where no one dresses casually to go to Mass (except for me, of course).

If anyone here is offended by my belief that respect and dressing up have about as much association as pineapples and pegging jon's sister, you'll have to excuse me because I'm sure as shit not toning it down. You wanna wear nice stuff, though, fine by me. I'm not offended.

[Jolly]

@Aqua-Letifer said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@George-K said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

But, dressing "up" signifies respect. Sometimes that's a thing.

My mother was once given a very nice note on her car about her being a godless piece of shit because she had a Clinton bumper sticker. This was in the parking lot of an old-school Catholic church where no one dresses casually to go to Mass (except for me, of course).

If anyone here is offended by my belief that respect and dressing up have about as much association as pineapples and pegging jon's sister, you'll have to excuse me because I'm sure as shit not toning it down.

Clothes maketh the man.

[Aqua Letifer]

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

Clothes maketh the man.

"...If it's not a disguise, and you know where you stand."

The Bouncing Souls taught me that one.

[Jolly]

@Aqua-Letifer said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

Clothes maketh the man.

"...If it's not a disguise, and you know where you stand."

The Bouncing Souls taught me that one.

If you don't respect yourself, how can you respect the Maker of the universe?

[Aqua Letifer]

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Aqua-Letifer said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

Clothes maketh the man.

"...If it's not a disguise, and you know where you stand."

The Bouncing Souls taught me that one.

If you don't respect yourself, how can you respect the Maker of the universe?

As a Baptist, I'm sure you feel that as a Catholic, I'm on the wrong side of religion anyway so why start with the clothing? If Mass is wrong, what would it matter what I wear to a faux religious observance?

[George K]

(I love how a bullshit post like the original one in this thread can morph into a somewhat serious discussion)

Carry on.

[Aqua Letifer]

@George-K said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

(I love how a bullshit post like the original one in this thread can morph into a somewhat serious discussion)

Carry on.

Dude Jolly and I and a few others have had this one for years. We should all just let machine learning and our AI personas duke it out with stuff like this. Hell in the parallel universe we'll stumble into this week, I bet you our parallel selves already figured this out.

...This is neither here nor there but the present makes me uncomfortable.

[Jolly]

@Aqua-Letifer said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Aqua-Letifer said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

Clothes maketh the man.

"...If it's not a disguise, and you know where you stand."

The Bouncing Souls taught me that one.

If you don't respect yourself, how can you respect the Maker of the universe?

As a Baptist, I'm sure you feel that as a Catholic, I'm on the wrong side of religion anyway so why start with the clothing? If Mass is wrong, what would it matter what I wear to a faux religious observance?

That was beneath you, donchya think?

[Aqua Letifer]

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Aqua-Letifer said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Aqua-Letifer said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

Clothes maketh the man.

"...If it's not a disguise, and you know where you stand."

The Bouncing Souls taught me that one.

If you don't respect yourself, how can you respect the Maker of the universe?

As a Baptist, I'm sure you feel that as a Catholic, I'm on the wrong side of religion anyway so why start with the clothing? If Mass is wrong, what would it matter what I wear to a faux religious observance?

That was beneath you, donchya think?

Am I wrong about that, though? I honestly mean no offense by it—pretty much everyone considers their religious observances to be superior. If that's the case then I don't see how what I do would matter.

But if you think there's some value to dressing up for Mass because Mass is legit for the people who attend, then, yeah, I was wrong and we can just focus on appearance.

[Jolly]

My son-in-law's normal attire borders on ragged casual. He would no more attend mass in jeans, than flap his arms and fly there.

[Aqua Letifer]

@Jolly said in What Should You Wear To Church?:

My son-in-law's normal attire borders on ragged casual. He would no more attend mass in jeans, than flap his arms and fly there.

Well I'm the same, but only because I don't wear jeans. I don't think I own a pair anymore.

[LuFins Dad]

#1) @George-K By “come as you are” I don’t mean we encouraged to come in sleeping shorts and bed hair. Most guys are in suits or slacks and collared shirts, but there are a few in jeans and a t-shirt and it’s not a thing. Nobody cares or looks down their nose. It’s the platform that matters. I bought a couple of shirts and ties and a Sport Coat for a kid that is a really good guitarist and I wanted in the Praise Band. Heh, now I’m being asked to wear jeans so I don’t stand out.

@Aqua-Letifer 1) The jackass that wrote the note would have been a jackass whether they were in a halter top and daisy dukes or in a designer dress. There are assholes in all sides as well.

2. you need to rethink your analogy. Pineapples and pegging Jon’s sister actually have a lot to do with each other.

@Jolly I enjoy some of the praise music, but you have to have hymns. This guy hasn’t had a hymn in the service for 4 weeks...