Respect my wishes!

[Andrea B]

A friend of the family passed away last month. She was pretty close to my family and we always exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts.

She had a large family - I believe 8 chlldren scattered around the country.

One of her sons stopped by the day after she died, and I asked about funeral/memorial arrangements. He told me that it was her wish to not have anything done. She just wanted to be cremated and be in the cemetery next to her husband who died about 20 years ago.

I feel a bit odd about this. Granted, it’s what she wanted, but OTOH, it seems like it would be nice for friends and family to gather to celebrate her life. A friend of mine called her desire “selfish.”

Thoughts?

[LuFins Dad]

The memorial is for the family/friends sake… Not the deceased.

The deceased probably made that request pro-forma, not wanting to be a burden on her loved ones, but not considering whether the memorial might be for the benefit of the survivors…

[Doctor Phibes]

Saying you don't want any fuss is quite a common thing to say, but as LD says this isn't for her benefit, it's for the people left behind.

Missing my mother's funeral in 2020 due to the Covid lockdown still really bothers me 6 years later.

[blondie]

There’s no reason friends can’t organize informally to celebrate a person’s life. I went to an impromptu culdesac barbecue where we ended up around a fire pit sharing great memories of a neighbor. He didn’t have a funeral. He didn’t want it. I respect that.
None of my elders wanted funerals. Their choice. Our family was so tiny we just went to their favourite restaurants after we put the urns in the ground. That seems a tradition with us.