Why is Klaus?
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With apologies to St Anselm of Canterbury...
As "he than whom no shittier pianist can be conceived," Klaus’s existence is a logical necessity.
Suppose, for contradiction, that Klaus exists only in our imagination and not in reality. It is clear that a pianist who is that bad in reality - audibly mangling tempo, dynamics, and basic human dignity at the keyboard - would be even worse than one who is merely imagined. That would mean "he than whom no shittier pianist can be conceived" is "he than whom a shittier pianist can be conceived," a logical inconsistency. Hence, Klaus must exist in reality, banging away with metaphysical necessity, his dropped notes providing proof not just of his existence, but of the limits of human musical failure.
Note that this conclusion holds a priori, independent of empirical verification. Though, regrettably, empirical verification is both abundant and unavoidable as many here can attest.
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