Flatten the curve of armchair epidemiology
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https://medium.com/@noahhaber/flatten-the-curve-of-armchair-epidemiology-9aa8cf92d652
Everyone has seen messages telling you we must “act today or people will die,” COVID-19 is basically just the flu, and/or that “flattening the curve is a deadly delusion.” These often have numbers, charts, citations, retroactively edited titles (“taksies backsies”), and data “science.”
Unfortunately, all of the above are signs of DKE-19, a highly contagious illness threatening the response against COVID-19. We must act today to flatten the curve of armchair epidemiology, or we will all be in peril.
What is DKE-19?
Dunning-Kruger Effect (DKE) is a phenomenon where people lack the ability to understand their lack of ability. While strains of DKE typically circulate seasonally, a new and more virulent strain called DKE-19 is now reaching pandemic proportions.
When you’re done reading this article, this is what you’ll take away:DKE-19 is coming to you.
It’s coming at an exponential speed: gradually, then suddenly, then suddenlier.
When it does, your feeds will be overwhelmed.
Exhausted fact checkers will break down. Some will die of sadness.
The only way to prevent this is social media distancing. Not tomorrow. Today.
That means vetting sources BEFORE you share, starting now.What are the symptoms?
Signs of DKE-19 generally appear 3–5 days after learning that the word “epidemiology” is not the study of skin diseases. Symptoms vary, but include extreme claims, making charts, and publishing on Medium. Although most cases are mild or even entirely asymptomatic, the recent outbreak indicates that severe DKE-19 primarily affects men ages 24–36 working in tech, for reasons unknown to scientists who are unaccountably also men.
How is the infection spread?
DKE-19 is in the same family of misinformation viruses as the one that caused the b00m3R-FB outbreak in 2016. It is transmitted person-to-person through a variety of means, including listening to/repeating bullshit while on the toilet (“feco-aural transmission”), and sharing dirty tweedles.
Transmission most often occurs through casual digital contact from asymptomatic individuals. This strain tends to be hidden in well-intended partial truths, making population detection more difficult. DKE-19 can hide in viral reservoirs throughout the internet. Once infection takes hold, DKE-19 is exceedingly difficult to treat. Several cases of second-hand craniofacial injury have been reported, related to collisions between desks and actual experts’ heads.
It will only get worse
Recent lockdowns to contain COVID-19 have resulted in Bay Area tech employees having vastly more time on their thumbs. We expect that exponential growth of bullshit takes are likely to grow exponentialer until the heat death of the universe and/or last Tuesday.
Are you at risk?
We have combined the collective expertise of three people with PhDs to create a machine learning model which predicts the spread of DKE-19-related misinformation. We believe this to be the best, most accurate infectious disease model published on Medium as of the time of this writing.
Things you can do to flatten the curve
Wash your phone for at least 20 seconds fully immersed in soapy water
6 ft of social media distancing
If take appears hot/feverish, seek expert help
Check the qualifications of authors BEFORE sharing
Listen to people who know what they are talking about
Push for better social media infrastructure that can slow the spread of DKE-19 and future strains
Only you can help #flattenthecurve of DKE-19 -
Somebody has been watching our forum!
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Unfortunately we’ve all had to keep our own epidemiological counsel since the experts and politicians failed us so much.
I wasn’t going to rely on them to decide when to stop flying, when Rachel should quit riding the train to GCT every day, when to pull my kid from school, and whether to wear a mask. And I’m glad I didn’t.
Only non-witches get due process.
- Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
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@jon-nyc said in Flatten the curve of armchair epidemiology:
I wasn’t going to rely on them to decide when to stop flying, when Rachel should quit riding the train to GCT every day, when to pull my kid from school, and whether to wear a mask. And I’m glad I didn’t.
That said, health advice that applies to the public in general who have both feet on the ground doesn't necessarily apply to people balancing on the rope with organ rejection abyss to the left and liver failure chasm to the right.
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Yes there’s that, but also the misalignment of interests.
For example, they didn’t answer the question ‘are people better off wearing masks?’ They answered the question ‘do we want everyone going out and buying masks right now?’
Only non-witches get due process.
- Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
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Unfortunately we’ve all had to keep our own epidemiological counsel since the experts and politicians failed us so much.
I wasn’t going to rely on them to decide when to stop flying, when Rachel should quit riding the train to GCT every day, when to pull my kid from school, and whether to wear a mask. And I’m glad I didn’t.
@jon-nyc said in Flatten the curve of armchair epidemiology:
Unfortunately we’ve all had to keep our own epidemiological counsel since the experts and politicians failed us so much.
I wasn’t going to rely on them to decide when to stop flying, when Rachel should quit riding the train to GCT every day, when to pull my kid from school, and whether to wear a mask. And I’m glad I didn’t.
I felt silly stocking up on groceries in the first week of March, when there were no lockdowns, and then there was a grocery shortage. I felt silly buying so much soap then, too, and then that was out of stock, too. I felt silly wiping down my mail, and then a mail carrier around here went to the ICU. I felt silly keeping a distance of about 30 feet when I was still running outside, and then we came to learn runners really should maintain that kind of distance. I felt silly waiting until long after the UPS guy left before I picked up a package by the door, and now we know the virus can stay airborne for several minutes after a carrier leaves an area.
I'm trusting myself from here on out.
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Unfortunately we’ve all had to keep our own epidemiological counsel since the experts and politicians failed us so much.
I wasn’t going to rely on them to decide when to stop flying, when Rachel should quit riding the train to GCT every day, when to pull my kid from school, and whether to wear a mask. And I’m glad I didn’t.
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Yes there’s that, but also the misalignment of interests.
For example, they didn’t answer the question ‘are people better off wearing masks?’ They answered the question ‘do we want everyone going out and buying masks right now?’
@jon-nyc said in Flatten the curve of armchair epidemiology:
Yes there’s that, but also the misalignment of interests.
For example, they didn’t answer the question ‘are people better off wearing masks?’ They answered the question ‘do we want everyone going out and buying masks right now?’
Should a government lie if the lie saves lives? I'm not necessarily saying that this was the case here, but that may have very well been the intention.
Isn't this similar to how if a bomb is about to go off in a cinema, you say "everyone please leave the cinema calmly, this is a test"?
It's a bit like a prisoner's dilemma.
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I believe the primary reasons they are now encouraging mask usage are:
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They are sick and tired about being asked about masks.
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They are trying to give people some sense of control over their own fate. An action they can take to protect themselves and their families.
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