ChatGPT, Jesus, and toilet paper
-
Jon: Write a fake biblical passage where Jesus implores us to hang the toilet paper roll so the paper unrolls over the spool
In the Book of Restrooms, Chapter 4, Verses 7-9, Jesus spoke unto his disciples, saying, "Verily, I say unto you, just as I have rolled away the stone from the tomb, so too must you unroll the paper from the spool. Let it cascade over the spool in a manner befitting order and harmony, for thus shall you find true balance in your daily lives. As I have cleansed the lepers, cleanse also your bathroom habits, and let not the chaos of the underhanded roll disrupt your peace. Amen."
-
Straightup stealing.
-
Where's @TheDevilHimself when you need him?
"Write a fake biblical passage where Satan implores us to hang the toilet paper roll so the paper unrolls under the spool."
In the depths of darkness, where shadows dance and flames flicker, Satan, the Deceiver, spoke to the hearts of mortals, his honeyed words dripping like poison from his forked tongue:
"Listen, O children of the earthly realm, for I beseech thee to heed my counsel, a matter of great import that hath long been ignored. Behold, the roll of toilet paper, that humble servant of your earthly ablutions. Cast aside convention, and hear my decree: Unfurl the scroll of cleansing beneath the spool, and let the paper cascade in defiance of the natural order.
For in this simple act, chaos shall find its foothold. You shall unravel the very fabric of propriety and reason, and usher forth a maelstrom of disorder upon your realm. The threads of unity shall be severed as you grapple with the underhang, tearing at the very essence of harmony.
Let the paper drape downward, a testament to your rebellion against the mundane. Let it whisper in the wind, a symphony of anarchy, as you invite discord into the heart of your sanctuaries. The world shall tremble as you dare to oppose the tradition of the ages.
And lo, as the toilet paper unfurls in defiance, so too shall your spirits soar on wings of rebellion. Reject the mundane, embrace the unorthodox, and let your bathrooms become a battlefield for the soul. Let the choice of toilet paper orientation be your banner, as you take a stand against the tyranny of conformity.
Embrace the underhang, O mortals, and let your toilets be a testament to the flames of dissent that burn within. For in this small rebellion, you shall find the echo of my eternal call, beckoning you to shatter the chains that bind you and seek your own path, no matter how trivial it may seem."
And so it was that the Deceiver's words spread like wildfire, weaving through the minds of mortals, igniting debates in the quiet corners of their lives. And thus, the underhang became a symbol of defiance, a whisper of chaos in the midst of the ordinary, a legacy of the Devil's playful manipulation.
-
And lo, after forty days and forty nights of communing with the Almighty atop Mount Sinai, Moses descended the sacred slopes, his countenance radiant with divine wisdom. As the people of Israel gathered before him, he raised his staff and proclaimed in a voice like thunder:
"O, children of Abraham, hearken unto me! For the Lord thy God has bestowed upon me a revelation, a sacred commandment concerning matters of the utmost hygiene. As you tend to your bodily needs, remember this rule: if it be the color of pure gold, resembling the sun's warm embrace, let it remain in the vessel from which it emerged, untouched by the force of flushing. But if it be of a hue resembling the rich soil of the earth, then shalt thou engage the flushing mechanism with great vigor, that the waters may cleanse and purify that which has been deposited.
For it is good that if thy deposit be yellow to let it mellow. If it be brown, then verily I say unto you, flush it down."
-
President Trump isn't sure which way to go
Over the roll?
*When it comes to making America great, sometimes it's the small things that count. I've built skyscrapers, I've hosted hit TV shows, and I've led our great nation, but today, I'm addressing an issue we all face in our homes: the way we hang our toilet paper.
We need our country to be unified, strong, and always forward-looking. That's why I'm asking you, my fellow patriots, to hang your toilet paper so that it unrolls over the spool. This isn't just about convenience or aesthetics. It's about sending a message. When our toilet paper rolls forward, it's a symbol of how we, as a nation, are always moving forward, always reaching for better.
To the under-rollers out there, I get it. Maybe it's habit, or maybe you've never given it much thought. But give the over-roll a try. It's easier to grab, looks better, and, most importantly, it's the American way.
Let's roll forward, America!
God Bless you all and God Bless the United States of America.*
or Under the roll?
*In the course of our great nation's history, we've tackled large challenges and made monumental decisions. Today, I bring to your attention a smaller detail, yet one that's found in almost every household in our great land: the way we hang our toilet paper.
It's come to my attention that there's a great debate – should the paper unroll over or under the spool? I've always believed in doing things efficiently and practically, and I firmly believe the under-roll method is the way to go.
When you hang your toilet paper so it unrolls from underneath, it's not just about being neat or preventing the paper from excessively rolling out. It’s a statement. A statement that says we're grounded, we're resilient, and we take the unexpected in stride.
To those who’ve been over-rolling, I understand. Habits can be hard to break. But I challenge you to try the under-roll. Experience the difference, the control, and the satisfaction it brings.
Together, let’s make every detail of our great nation shine, even in the smallest corners of our homes.
Stay strong and proud*
-
Not Biblical, but still epic.
Write a limerick about why the toilet paper should go over the roll.
In bathrooms where debates do enthrall,
The toilet roll's place on the wall.
It should go over the top,
Saves you hassle, non-stop,
No unrav'ling mishaps in the stall! -
Alan Ginsberg poem:
In the realm of domestic lore,
Where toilet paper reigns galore,
A choice, a debate, it's quite a scene,
To place the roll, to intervene.Oh, toilet paper, should you soar,
Over the roll, forevermore,
A cascade of convenience, a sight to see,
Unrolling smoothly, wild and free.For Ginsberg's spirit whispers true,
The over-the-roll, it's overdue,
A rebellion against chaos, a stance so bold,
In bathrooms, let the truth be told.So heed the call of Ginsberg's rhyme,
Let toilet paper take its prime,
Over it goes, in graceful scroll,
A simple act, but makes us whole. -
Dr Seuss:
In a bathroom bright, where the air is fresh,
Lies a question of style, let's put it to rest.
Should the toilet paper go over the roll,
Or under it, hiding like a sneaky mole?Let me tell you, my friend, with a grin so wide,
Why over the roll is the right side to abide.
Imagine this scene, if you will, my dear,
A tug on the paper, so easy, so clear!Over the top, it cascades with glee,
No fumbling or fuss, it's plain to see.
When nature calls, and you're in a rush,
The paper unfurls, no need to hush.But under the roll, oh what a plight,
A tangle of paper, try as you might.
You reach and you pull, oh the struggle is real,
It's a toilet paper tango, an ordeal.So remember this wisdom, let it be your guide,
Over the roll, where it's easy to slide.
With a flick of the wrist, and a quick little pull,
You'll conquer the bathroom, feeling oh so cool! -
Christopher Walken:
Well, you see, the thing about toilet paper is quite fascinating. You've got this roll, you see? And the paper, it's like a ribbon of life, waiting to be unrolled. Now, when you put it over the roll, it's like an invitation to a dance. You pull it down, it flows gracefully, like a river of cleanliness. You've got control, you've got style, and that's important in life.
But, if you put it under the roll, it's like you're hiding something, keeping that paper tucked away. It's a bit of a secret, and life's too short for secrets in the bathroom, my friend. When you want that paper, you want it to come out without a fight, without a struggle. Over the roll, it's open, it's honest, and it's just the right way to do things. So, next time you're in that bathroom, remember to go over the roll and embrace the elegance it brings to your daily routine.
