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The New Coffee Room

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  3. Advice to Astronauts from NASA

Advice to Astronauts from NASA

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  • George KG Offline
    George KG Offline
    George K
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    Astronauts should not masturbate in zero gravity

    Astronauts have been warned against masturbating in space over fears female astronauts could get impregnated by stray fluids.

    There are strict guidelines over “alone-time” onboard in zero gravity. Scientists have warned even the slightest rouge droplet could cause chaos on board.

    Conan O’Brien waded into the uncomfortable topic while interviewing a NASA engineer, asking him if he had ever sent porn to the International Space Station.

    “No, none of that,” the scientist, Smythe, said.

    “Does porn work in zero gravity? It goes everywhere,” Conan probed.

    “Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session … it finds its way,” the scientist continued.

    Sex and masturbation in space is a logistical nightmare, with problems ranging from floating fluids to shrinking manhoods, according to astronomer Dr. John Millis.

    He compared sex in space to having intercourse while “skydiving”, but added that it was “not impossible”.

    "Rouge" droplet?

    Like, rouge as in "red?"

    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

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    • Catseye3C Offline
      Catseye3C Offline
      Catseye3
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      Rogue?

      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

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      • MikM Offline
        MikM Offline
        Mik
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        We're planning to send people to Mars. One might reasonably think we could solve this problem as well.

        “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill

        George KG JollyJ 2 Replies Last reply
        • MikM Mik

          We're planning to send people to Mars. One might reasonably think we could solve this problem as well.

          George KG Offline
          George KG Offline
          George K
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          @Mik said in Advice to Astronauts from NASA:

          We're planning to send people to Mars.

          Red planet.
          Red semen.
          It all comes together makes sense.

          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • MikM Mik

            We're planning to send people to Mars. One might reasonably think we could solve this problem as well.

            JollyJ Offline
            JollyJ Offline
            Jolly
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            @Mik said in Advice to Astronauts from NASA:

            We're planning to send people to Mars. One might reasonably think we could solve this problem as well.

            Genetic diversity demands a colony size of about 10,000 people. That means a lot of folks being transferred and a lot of babies, due to the ages of the people involved. We better figure out the problem of zero and low gravity reproduction.

            “Cry havoc and let slip the DOGE of war!”

            Those who cheered as J-6 American prisoners were locked in solitary for 18 months without trial, now suddenly fight tooth and nail for foreign terrorists’ "due process". — Buck Sexton

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