Tommy
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Around 5 years or so ago I met an old guy named Tommy. I say old guy, even though he was only about 5 years older than me, because of the difference in our condition. I'm active, healthy, people think I'm in my late 50s. Tommy on the other hand, was in a wheel chair, he smelled bad because he often wet himself because he couldn't get out of his chair fast enough, and he just looked OLD.
But Tommy was the sweetest man. He had served in Vietnam, received a Purple Heart, been hit with Agent Orange, and by the time I met him, he had suffered one heart attack and 2 strokes. He had no money. He was living with his son, his son tried to take care of him but his son's wife and Tommy didn't get along. At all. Tommy wanted more than anything to be on his own, but he had no money, needed care, etc. I discussed things with him and his son, and to make a long story short, I told them I would let Tommy live in one of my apartments at no charge, as long as his son promised to tend to his daddy every single day. And for the next 5 years, his son came to take care of his father right after work, even his son's wife pitched in, the relationship between them improving with Tommy out of her house. In addition to their twice daily care, a state caregiver checked in on him once a week to be sure Tommy was being properly cared for.
Tommy loved his independence. He made friends with an old woman who lived in the building too, who was also in a wheel chair. They would both roll out into the yard and sit together and talk, and watch traffic go by. Every time I'd see them outside, Tommy would grin at me from ear to ear,.
About a week ago his son came by to tend to Tommy and found that Tommy had had a stroke. His son had come by that morning on his way to work and Tommy was fine. 8 hours later when he checked on him, Tommy was slumped over in his wheel chair. They rushed Tommy to the hospital, he went into a coma, and was put on a ventilator. Two days ago the doctor told Tommy's son that there had been no improvement, they couldn't get his oxygen level up, and that if Tommy didn't improve by next week, his son would have to make the decision whether to continue letting Tommy live by machine, or pull the plug.
Today Tommy died. No need to offer me any condolences, I didn't consider things a friendship. I was just trying to help him enjoy what was left of his life. His son felt guilty for feeling glad that he didn't end up having to make a choice, and I spent the afternoon talking to his son, assuring him he didn't need to feel guilty for that.
Tommy is at peace now. He spent the last few years of his life feeling like he was independent. He was happy. He had friends. He lived a happy life. Goodbye, Tommy.
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I should add....
As much of a pain in the ass you can be, it's wonderful to read stories about how you try to help people. You're a mensch.
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I should add....
As much of a pain in the ass you can be, it's wonderful to read stories about how you try to help people. You're a mensch.
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Thanks for sharing the story - and thanks for reminding us of the value of kindness. The world can use a little bit of sunshine during dark days.
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Sounds like a great guy, Larry.
