@Adventurer-Chat

[Aqua Letifer]

Some snippets from my weekend D&D game, which has been moved online:

"I say we enter the dungeon. We might as well loot some shit. Last I heard the lockdown doesn't affect nerds plundering make-believe treasures on graph paper. Might as well get that economy going."
"LIBERATE THE SWORD COAST!"

"Be careful. This area might be a Bard Gang."
"Lol a what? Do we all start snapping our fingers and walking in unison now?"
"Bard, bard, crazy Bard... Get cool, Bard!"
"Fuck's sake you did not just bring West Side Story into D&D."
"Srsly. The virgin stereotype was bad enough before."

"The thing about smurf porn is that you're essentially talking about midget porn, and it's hard to get right. If the blue dye or paint isn't applied perfectly and is friction resistant, it just ruins the illusion halfway through, man, it ruins the entire illusion."
"So, I'm gonna go start another bowl."

"Something dissipates outward from beneath the lid. You pass out beside the crate. What do you other two do?"
"I can't speak for him, but I keep a respectable six-foot distance and nope myself the fuck out of there. Oh and I wash my hands."
"Roll a dex check."

"Visions start to fill your head as your constitution fades away. Whispered voices invade your thoughts. You try to warn your companions, but feverish ravings are all you can muster."
"SO SUPPOSING WE HIT THE BODY WITH A TREMENDOUS—WHETHER IT'S ULTRAVIOLET OR JUST VERY POWERFUL LIGHT..."
"Cute."

"No, we're waiting until after the lockdown is lifted. I didn't have all that unprotected sex just to die from attending a damn D&D meetup."

[Mik]

[Axtremus]

@Aqua-Letifer Do you folks live-stream this shit humorous banter? There just might be a market for this.

[Aqua Letifer]

@Axtremus said in @Adventurer-Chat:

@Aqua-Letifer Do you folks live-stream this shit humorous banter? There just might be a market for this.

Yep. Twitch.

[mark]

lmao!

[Aqua Letifer]

@Aqua-Letifer said in @Adventurer-Chat:

@Axtremus said in @Adventurer-Chat:

@Aqua-Letifer Do you folks live-stream this shit humorous banter? There just might be a market for this.

Yep. Twitch.

Shoulda said Discord also. And these days, amazingly, celebrity D&D is a Thing.

[Aqua Letifer]

The room appears to be a storeroom for teaching spells. You find jars, canisters, and wooden boxes full of basic spell components.
"Oh, if there's gold wire or leather string I'd like that please."
"I CALL ANY COPPER WIRING!"
"Fucking junkie. That is such a Baltimore thing to call dibs on."

Do you all go up the ramp, or down the stairs into the arboretum?
"No splitting up. It's what horror movie idiots do."
"Defo. With a demon, dwarf and half-elf, we have WAY too many racial minorities in the group for that to be a solid plan."
"That's right! This is no horror movie! We are real, imaginary people in a life or death situation on paper damnit, this is no time to be reckless."

"Random question...Do dragonkind have barbed penises? This might inform my next move."
"Are you telling me that you're so big that you can't see down there?"
"I guess I could cast minor illusion so that you can check yourself out."
"...Would you please ca--"
"No I'm not doing that."

The two gelatinous cubes advance towards the party, both encompassing the space of hallway... The one slowly consuming the human is in the rear.
"Great. We're gonna be chased all the way out of here by a lime jello."
The gelatinous cubes are translucent, with no apparent color or tonal value to them.
"Even better. Clear jello: the dry hump of jellos."

You make it to the wide stairwell and see a dead human man on the stairs, his throat slit... Something is in his hand...
"Zoom and enhance."
"This isn't CSI, jackass, just lift up his fucking hand."