Ole & Lena
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Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard
a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make
another hole. The voice said a little stronger, "There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked
up. Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?"
The voice spoke back, "No, ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."
^^^^^^Ole was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife, Lena, was really angry.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 PRETTY DAMN FAST!
The next morning Ole got up early and left for work. When Lena woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough
there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, Lena put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and
found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ole has been missing since Friday.
^^^^^^^Lars: "Ole, stand in fronna my car and tell me if da turn signals are vorking".
Ole: "Ya, No, Ya, No, Ya, No, Ya, No....
^^^^^^^Ole walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
Ole says, "Yesterday I vas ironing a shirt ven da phone rang and I accidentally answered da iron."
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
Ole says, "I tried ta call da doctor."
^^^^^^A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted,
"Yep, dat's her!"
^^^^^^Ole, Sven and Lars are in jail for stealing Lutefisk when they decide to break out. To their amazement, their plan works and
they find themselves free and on the run.
Ole sees a barn. "Let's hide in da hayloft of dat barn, dey'll never find us in dere!"
After sleeping the night in the barn, Ole hears police officers outside. One of the officers yells, "Come out with your hands
in the air you lousy Lutefisk lifters!"
Ole says to Sven and Lars, "Hide in dose baskets over dere. Dey'll never find us in dose!"
So Ole gets in the first basket, Sven gets in the second basket and the Lars gets in the third basket.
Meanwhile, the officers get a ladder set up and are climbing up to the loft. Once they get up, one officer starts kicking the
baskets.
He kicks the first basket. Ole's inside and shouts, "RUFF-RUFF!"
"It's just a dog in this one!" yells the officer.
He kicks the second basket. Sven's inside and shouts, "MEOW!"
"It's just a cat in this basket!" yells the officer.
He kicks the third basket and the Lars yells out, "POTATOES!"
^^^^^^Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka
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Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka
