Ole & Lena
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"Ole, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming toMinnesota to have portraits done. One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house.
"Inside was a beautiful woman, who asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request of Ole. The woman said money was no object. She was willing to pay $50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Ole asked the woman to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Lena, his missus.
"In a few minutes, he returned and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I'll haff ta leave my socks on so I'll have a place to wipe my brushes."
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Ole and Sven are working on a barn. The wind comes up and blows their ladder over. Ole asks Sven, "How are ve going ta get down?"
Sven looks around the roof for a while then says, "Well ders a manure pile on dat side a da barn ve could jump in to soften da landing."
Ole said, "OK Sven, but you go first, it vas your idea!" So Sven jumps off into the manure. Ole yells down to him, "How deep is it Sven?"
Sven yells back, "Its only up to my ankles!" So Ole jumped down too and they both climb out of the manure pile.
Ole turns to Sven and said, "Sven vat da hell did you mean it vas only up ta your ankles? It vas up ta my EARS!"
Sven replies, "Ya, but I jumped in head first."^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Ole was getting ready to go to work one day when Lena stopped him and complained, "Ole, the vashing machine is broke
down don't ya know, I vant ya to fix it!".
Ole walked out the door yelling, "Lena, vat do I look like, da Maytag repairman?"
That evening when Ole got home Lena was standing in the yard and said to Ole, "Ole, da car it von't start! Please Ole, fix da
car".
Ole kept walking into the house yelling, "Lena, Lena, vat do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
The next day when Ole came home from work Lena said, "Look Ole, da car, it is fixed and the vashing machine, it is vorking
too! Lars down da road come by and I asked him if he would fix it for me".
"And vat did he charge ya for doin' it?", Ole asked. Lena replied, "Vell Ole, he said he would do it for some romance (Vell ya know) or if I baked him a cake."
"Vell, vut kind of a cake did you make him?", asked Ole
Lena replied, "Vat do I look like, Betty Crocker?"^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, "Yep, dat's her!"
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Ole goes into a lumber yard to buy some 2x4's."May I help you", asks the salesman. "How long do you want' em?"
Ole replies: "Oh, for a long time. I'm building a house."^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Ole and Sven go moose hunting every winter without any success. Finally, they come up with a foolproof plan. They get a
very authentic female moose costume and learn the mating call of a female moose. The plan is to hide in the costume, lure
the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot it. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, don their costume,
and begin to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call is answered when a bull comes crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull is close
enough, Ole shouts, "Okay, let’s get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Sven in the back shouts, "Da zipper is stuck! Da zipper is stuck! Ole, vat are ve gonna do?"
Ole says, "Vell Sven, I'm going ta start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
