Hey, Aqua.
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I recently came across a man who is a martial arts instructor and also a novelist, named Orlando Sanchez. I'm enjoying his martial arts blog but his novels are not my cuppa. I kind of get the impression you'd like them. He's written a handful, so if you like him you'll have plenty of material. (I love when that happens.)
Here is the Amazon page for his Montague & Strong Box Set, if you want to take a look at the blurb. It starts out, "Meet the Montague & Strong Detective Agency. An immortal Detective. A cranky Mage. An ever-hungry Hellhound. What could possibly go wrong?" And goes on from there. Got demonologists, Golden Circle magistrates, demons roaming the streets, sacred places of learning, magic and deep secrets.
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This guy ain’t ready for prime time.
We landed on cool, smooth stone, and I seriously considered never moving again. I looked up in time to see the setting sun. It took a few seconds before I realized that we’d left New York City at dawn.
Adverbs are the devil. “Seriously considered” is bumsauce description. “I was in no rush to pull myself up” or a dozen other responses would have been better.
But wait: you seriously considered never moving again, but looked up anyway? In time to see the setting sun?
- If you’re seriously considering never moving again, you’re not going to look up.
- Sunsets aren’t “up.” They’re out. Off in the distance. Level to the horizon.
- “Looked up in time”? Has this guy never seen a sunset? It’s a process, it takes awhile. It’s not a thing you miss if you don’t look up in time.
It took a few seconds before I realized that we’d left New York City at dawn.
This is maid-and-butler writing. What he's doing is telling you things he wants you, the reader to know, by hijacking a character and making him speak for the writer. I say "hijacking" because only maps label it "New York City". If you're from there, it's the city. If you're not, it's New York.
When I got started, I joined an online crit community. Contributed on and off for quite awhile. His writing reads like that other stuff. Not really a dig—I hope he keeps at it—that's just where he's at.
Also not at all surprised he's a Jim Butcher fan. That's basically where he got his premise from.
