Hey GK - secret doctor's language

  • I often hear from my wife what kind of terminology the doctors here invented to talk with colleagues about patients in such a way that the patients don't really understand because it would be embarrassing to them.

    Here's a few for you to guess what they mean. Do similar terms exist in US hospitals?

    • Morbus mediterranae
    • Morbus germanicus
    • C2 Issue
    • Cerebralaplasie, a.k.a. Vacuum above C0
    • external pigmentation
    • Foetor ex ore

  • I liked the "Foetor ex ore" comment.

    I hadn't seen the others you mention, but one of the common ones that we used was "She has a supratentorial lesion."

    (IOW, she's nuts)

    I assume the "morbus" descriptors mean "typical whole-body German (or Mediterranean) bullshit."

    • Morbus mediterranae - somebody who is overly pain-sensitive and complains about it a lot
    • Morbus germanicus - somebody who never goes to the doctor until it is way too late
    • C2 Issue - drunkard (I think this is from C2H5OH)
    • Cerebralaplasie, a.k.a. Vacuum above C0 - stupid as fuck
    • external pigmentation - dirty, needs a bath
    • Foetor ex ore - bad breath

  • As far as "C2" goes, we always referred to is as "there might be a problem with the two-carbon fragment."

    Of course "GOMER" is a common one - "Get out (of) My Emergency Room." Usually in reference to an old, slightly demented patient with multiple problems. None of them are serious, but all of them are annoying to treat.

    "Flea" is a term we used to refer to internists. Remember, a flea is the last thing to jump off of a dying dog."

    During my pediatric rotation, we referred to "FLKs." A "Funny Looking Kid" was a patient who looked unusual, but we weren't quite sure of the diagnosis. Of course, a FLK with a GLM ("Good looking mom") usually got more attention.

    So, on rounds, we could talk about ...

    "This FLK, with a GLM was admitted last night. We thought he might become a GOMER with supratentorial issues, but the FLEAS think that there might have been some two-carbon fragment problems during gestation."

  • Those comments would probably get me fired today.

    One of my colleagues got called out for writing (as a discharge order): "AMF, YOYO."

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